i am so sorry for this developement. please try to remember that your wife is VERY confused right now. and she probably really does need time to think. she really has messed up her life in a big way, but the one thing both of you have to remember is that this is NOT the child's fault, so what is to be done has to be in the best interest of the child
so i would say to give her time to assimilate all that is going on in her life and just be there as a friend.
