bim, Speaking of baggage, look up the lyrics of a song by my favorite Contemporary Blues Artists: Keb' Mo'. The song title and album title is "Suitcase" Interesting name: He was Kevin Moore. Everyone kept saying the were going to go see "Keb' Mo'" play. It stuck, he changed his name and took off Grammy-wise, etc. about 10 years ago. I never miss a chance to see him. Suitcase. Good song about (accumulating) baggage
Gardener, I listened to this tune on YouTube this afternoon. PERFECT for my sitch. 'Cept nobody has come to take our suitcases away...here's hopin!
Tired again tonight. Stressful few days at work. Didn't sleep well night before last. I think I am going to turn in early tonight and hope that I can sleep the night through.
Homefront is quiet except for my S9 going through something. The last couple of days, it's "I don't like any of you, don't need any of you" etc. Not sure if it has anything to do with our M or not. I'm 50/50 on it because he has ADHD and we made the decision not to put him on meds. We try to control with his diet and a tight schedule whenever possible. I had him in counseling for a year but didn't see much difference in his ability to control himself. He has the attention span of a peanut and gets very emotionally charged when he is having a hard time. He was mad at me when he went to bed and told me not to come to his room. It was to hurt me because we always have a little talk and a good cuddle before he goes to sleep. I left him alone because I bought him a new diary over the weekend and I thought he could just vent in it and we can talk about it tomorrow. I will go in and kiss him when I go to bed. He's already asleep but it'll make me feel better.
Goodnight, all.
bim
BIM M 39 / H 40 / S 9 / S 6 / T 20 / M 11
my sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1828127#Post1828127
I'm 50/50 on it because he has ADHD and we made the decision not to put him on meds. We try to control with his diet and a tight schedule whenever possible. I had him in counseling for a year but didn't see much difference in his ability to control himself. He has the attention span of a peanut and gets very emotionally charged when he is having a hard time.
I have one of these ADHD little guys too. So, I understand.
The right med has helped my little man. I can respect your choice. But, I can offer some perspective on the other side - and I am NOT a big meds person.
On the emotionally charged part, and you probably know this, but a lot of these kids have a hard time getting the answer to a question from their brain to their mounth. I can't imagine how frustrating that has to be. And that's where a lot of their frustration comes from. They know they are smart (and they are), they just have a harder time showing that than a "normal" child. So, hang in there.
bim&Gima ADHD. Google it. Look it up especially on lef.org. Strong new evidence that ADHD's have deficiencies in one or more of: Essential Fatty acids, Phosphatidylserine, choline, certain amino acids, B vitamins and zinc.
Disclaimer: The above is for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat or cure blah, blah, blah...
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Yeah, he is very bright, gifted actually. We had to have him tested in the 1st grade because of his behavior. They told us he also has "oppositional defiance disorder- ODD". Read up on that, not a pleasant combination. They say it is torture for him to sit for more than 15 minutes at a time. He is in 3rd grade and has been in a different school every year, trying to find one that is a good fit is hard. I thought I was going to have to quit working a couple of years ago and homeschool him.
He is just really up and down a lot lately, gets angry over the smallest things. I have a feeling he could be fearful of our M ending; he is very observant and has been exposed to H's thoughts unfairly on a few occasions.
No real interaction with H this week so far, except he told me he wants to go to CT (MIL lives there) for Thanksgiving weekend. Thing is, I was denied the day after Thanksgiving at work, so I can't go anywhere. I got no indication of whether or not he still wants to go and take the boys, can't imagine staying home on a holiday without them, but they DO want to see their cousins ( we have no family where we live). I'll have to think this through.
bim
BIM M 39 / H 40 / S 9 / S 6 / T 20 / M 11
my sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1828127#Post1828127
Hi BIM, still here and ain't going nowhere. Just don't have much to add to the discussion on the little ones. As for your curiosity... well... I'll hold off on that for now until you are certain of what you want to do. Not teasing you, but you're not in the right frame of mind or position to make waves yet.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
No real interaction with H this week so far, except he told me he wants to go to CT (MIL lives there) for Thanksgiving weekend. Thing is, I was denied the day after Thanksgiving at work, so I can't go anywhere. I got no indication of whether or not he still wants to go and take the boys, can't imagine staying home on a holiday without them, but they DO want to see their cousins ( we have no family where we live). I'll have to think this through.
bim
So...last night, I asked H if he was planning on taking the boys to CT without me. He said, "They can stay here with you if you want them to." bim: "I have to work on Friday, I can't keep them here if you go." ...in case I didn't say before, we are both from other places, no family here.
So, I went to work today and asked my boss if they were considering letting anyone else off the day after Thanksgiving. She agreed to let me off even though they only wanted 5 managers to be off that day. I was next in line on seniority.
It is possible that he doesn't want me to go, which is fine. But if the boys go, I am going. If he doesn't want me to go, they will stay here with me. That's my position and I'm sticking to it. How should I broach the subject of going away with H without sounding like I am mind-reading?
Thanks for your advice in advance.
bim
Last edited by brownidmom; 11/21/0901:30 AM.
BIM M 39 / H 40 / S 9 / S 6 / T 20 / M 11
my sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1828127#Post1828127
How should I broach the subject of going away with H without sounding like I am mind-reading?
Quote:
if the boys go, I am going. If he doesn't want me to go, they will stay here with me. That's my position and I'm sticking to it.
You avoid mind reading by saying what is on your mind. If you are not sure of what the other person is thinking then ask.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Upbeat, excited voice: "Hey, great news! I've got Friday off! So are we going to CT?" If he says NO... "OK, no problem because I've decided that I really want to see MY family..."
Prep your a$$ in gear for an 8 hour trip to YOUR folks. BE PROACTIVE. ... He might even beg you to go with him.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
