Help Lost my Bestfriend Need Advice

[TrentC]

He says he still wants her as a "friend" however he says that they are not going out to lunch together anymore. I am not sure if I believe him.

Rule number one: cheaters lie.

In His Needs Her Needs, the author points out that it is a lot harder for men to give up the emotional attachment they form with an OW than the other way around. He's seen men walk away from an OW for years, only to get sucked back in once the OW makes contact again.

This happened in my family; my father divorced my mother after almost 30 years of marriage because his ex-wife tracked him down online and sent him a letter. They started writing back and forth, and one thing led to another... (The rest of the story: after he divorced my mother he went to live with the OW but it didn't live up to his expectations. He left her, moved back in-state, ended up reconnecting with my mother, and remarried her after less than a year.)

If he wants to stay with you, he needs to cut her out of his life. Period. No "just friends"; no "having lunch occasionally"; those are insults to your intelligence.

He will need to agree to a transparency arrangement -- you get unfettered access to his phone and email accounts, and can check either on demand. Harsh? Yes, but he cheated and lied to you, and gets to pay the price by having no privacy until you are satisfied that she is out of your lives.