Thank you bluerain for the advice. I have been reading DR and it has helped a lot. I have to set some boundries. He says he still wants her as a "friend" . . .
Well, then here's where you start laying the boundaries. Are YOU willing to live in a marriage where your husband would put a friendship ahead of the needs of his wife?
Let me put it another way. Let's assume for a moment that she IS "just a friend" (not that I believe that for a single moment, but play along with me here). You need to ask him, if his WIFE is telling him that it's a dealbreaker for him to continue to have non-professional contact with this woman, that he's willing to lose his marriage over it? He's willing to put a FRIENDSHIP ahead of his MARRIAGE?
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as far as I'm concerned. Maybe I'm hopelessly old-fashioned. But a boundary of "YOU can do what you want to do, but I'm letting you know that I cannot live in a marriage where my husband would put a friendship ahead of his wife" is a great boundary.
