H came home at 8:30 last night on a night he had to "work". lol that is a 180 for him!
BUT... made a point of telling me he still is "leaning" towards separation and doesn't want to "take too long" for us to look at that.
What did Rocked do?
STOOD MY GROUND, people. I stood my ground.
I told H again last night, in no uncertain terms that I will not agree to a separation at this point. I told him that I continue to choose this M and if he chooses to move out that is HIS choice and his alone to own to our kids and everyone else. H got a bit agitated and said, "I knew this would end up being about YOU and my issues that I am struggling with would get lost." OMG did I have to bite my tongue! And, I did. I remained calm and said, "I will be more than happy to help you sort out your issues, but not with OW in the picture. As long as she is in your life, then my focus is on what is best for our M and my stand is non-negotiable."
H got really quiet. Then said, "I don't know what I want." I said, "I know you don't. And I don't think you will be able to figure that out with OW in the picture."
H said, "You are awfully nice to someone who has betrayed you." I said, "It is not about being nice, it is about doing what is right."
I know H did not sleep well last night. I did.
Today... still feeling strong. Little fingers of anxiety keep wanting to creep up on me, but I have managed to keep them at bay. I keep breathing deeply, and grounding myself. I know H is in very regular contact with OW... I just know. He has made comments in the past few days about feeling pressured by her, which I think is why he keeps bringing up the separation. I am being firm, but not pressuring (at least I think I am accomplishing that..?) I know my H well enough to know that if she keeps that up, it will be a death sentence to that R.
One thing I am debating about... I think the timing is right for me one of these days to pull a surprise... H comes home and I am just not there... I am out. I can then be vague.. just took time for myself, out with friends, etc. But, since we talked with the kids the other night, I feel they are needing me around, so have been focused on them. Feeling torn... just sorting that one out.
