My W says she wants to be my best friend and be apart of my life regardless of what happens. Thats what I am going to do. Just see her as my friend.
So do you want a best friend who has put you through the most emotionally devastating occurance of your life? One who has torn your life and your feelings up?
Being an acquaintance, probably. Being a friend, possibly. Being your best friend is asking too much, IMO.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I did the exact opposite with my wife. I told her that if she chose to end our marriage this way -- by having an affair, lying to everyone about it, and cutting-and-running from the marriage, with no MCing -- then we would not only not be BEST friends, but I could not even be her friend. Because friends don't treat each other that way.
I told her I'd always be civil to her, and we would of course communicate in order to co-parent our children, but I could never be her best friend again.
This really shook her up, and -- along with my exposure to our adult daughters and her parents -- were probably the three things that did the most to bring her back to the marriage.
My W says she wants to be my best friend and be apart of my life regardless of what happens. Thats what I am going to do. Just see her as my friend.
So do you want a best friend who has put you through the most emotionally devastating occurance of your life? One who has torn your life and your feelings up?
Being an acquaintance, probably. Being a friend, possibly. Being your best friend is asking too much, IMO.
Agreed. I think the focus right now should be on detaching. Be polite to her, but work on accepting the worst case scenario and being ok (not great, but ok) with it b/c you know you will be fine (and you will). This isn't giving up, BTW. And detaching is NOT giving her the cold shoulder.
Part of what you will eventually work on is popping the bubbles of her fanatasy - "We will be BFF's no matter what." You may get to a civil and friend-ly working relationship (which is necessary for the kids), but not BFF's.
I did the exact opposite with my wife. I told her that if she chose to end our marriage this way -- by having an affair, lying to everyone about it, and cutting-and-running from the marriage, with no MCing -- then we would not only not be BEST friends, but I could not even be her friend. Because friends don't treat each other that way.
Again, you said it much better than I did.
To recap: the "we can still be friends" thing is WAS script, to make themselves (and hopefully you) feel better about the breakup.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
