This is a LRT. If I was truly DONE, there would be no point to send anything. I would just get the legal stuff going, get it over with, and live my life, along the lines of what BeingMe is saying. The letter itself shows that the R is important to me, but it's a declaration that I've finally thrown in the towel.
I am wavering around a bit. I'm grateful to have this venue to safely express it so I can make the right move here. My W has an uncanny knack for portraying herself very kindly so as to disarm me. As I said before, she's a MC, that is a natural skill she uses with her clients all the time.
I have to be honest here. I know I've been too weak during this whole thing. Not that I'm beating myself up, because I've done many things right, and I haven't been excessively weak, just too weak to turn it around. I've had my victories along the way, and I've got my WAW seriously doubting her decisions and her actions. The question is, how do I bring it home? I have much respect for the folks here.
Quote:
She has been enjoying the status quo and probably doesn't want to change anything right now.
Exactly! How is continuing to wait doing anything other than allowing her to keep eating cake? I've waited enough. We left an enormous question hanging, and with the holidays coming up, I need some resolution to that topic. Either she isn't willing to give up OM and our M is over, or she is willing to give up OM, and we'll see. I know she she sees the holidays coming, and she is afraid of the ramifications of the former, and truthfully, so am I. Her mother is asking me if I'm coming over with the kids for Thanksgiving, and I can't give her an answer until this is resolved.
Here's what I have now:
W-
No need to get together to talk. Your silence speaks loud enough. Your behavior over the past year has been unbelievably disrespectful to me, our marriage, and our kids, and now you making me wait while you "decide" what to do is the final straw. What is a few days possibly going to change? I made myself clear. I will not live in an open marriage, so if you choose to continue your behavior our marriage is over.
I'll make it easy on you. You don't need to decide. I've decided I'm done and I'm moving on. I want to finalize our legal separation as soon as possible. I'll scrape up the money to pay for my half. If you can't afford your half of the cost, I'll cover yours too, and reduce your monthly support by $100 until it's paid off. New York makes filing for divorce incredibly difficult and expensive, otherwise I'd forego the one year of separation. We've already been separated for a year, I have no need nor desire for another. I want to be totally free to pursue a new life.
This is not what I ever wanted for us or our kids, and my heart is very heavy thinking about what the kids' lives will be from now on, but I won't tolerate your disrespect any longer. At least during the time the kids are with me, I'll be able to honestly demonstrate what is and isn't acceptable behavior from someone in their life.
