BBJ, I especially like the part in your post where you address the gaslighting....."Jeez, LBS, I was just thinking about coming home, but you_________"
For me it was a bolt of lightening one day that I realised that my WAH and I shared a common theme - that we had both spent the past two years (!!) acting in his best interests.
Even if you are not, there is the Opening, Middle Game, and End Game.
This is better served in the Middle Game or End Game, once the self improvement of the Opening has been done.
Really insightful. Really good thoughts. Bravo.
Thanks so much for the compliments!!!
I am familiar with chess, although my strategy game of choice is Stratego... Problem is for the longest time, I was waving my flag at the enemy instead of hiding it for him to have to capture.
AWESOME post...and thanks to the people that cut and paste onto mine.. .so true! I am realize some of the WAS are too much of cowards to finish what they started, and that if you take action and do it perhaps it is there sick way of relieveing them of their own guilt "well LBS filed..she wanted it to end" when really they had left a long, long time ago.
So BobbiJo - what are you going to do? Are you totally done for you? Good for you for taking action and yes, it does take awhile to really grasp 'detachment' but can be so very empowering when you do.
You are obviously a strong woman w a lot going for you! Live your best life! -hhh
AWESOME post...and thanks to the people that cut and paste onto mine.. .so true! I am realize some of the WAS are too much of cowards to finish what they started, and that if you take action and do it perhaps it is there sick way of relieveing them of their own guilt "well LBS filed..she wanted it to end" when really they had left a long, long time ago.
So BobbiJo - what are you going to do? Are you totally done for you? Good for you for taking action and yes, it does take awhile to really grasp 'detachment' but can be so very empowering when you do.
You are obviously a strong woman w a lot going for you! Live your best life! -hhh
Let's see, what am I going to do??? I am already doing it, most of it anyway...
1)I am continuing to better myself. That includes getting more organized around the house, getting in better shape/health, taking care of my self better in terms of more regular manicures/haircuts/updating my clothing, etc etc.
2)Continuing to work on boundary setting with everyone, not just my WAH.
3)Being the best mom I can be to my kids. We have started our own traditions since H left. Tuesday night is 'family game night'--usually just us three, but this week my dad joined. Kids loved playing games with grandpa. Friday night is "Movie Night", we always rent a movie and have popcorn with M&Ms. Sometimes we get pizza. Sunday morning is church, but that has always been the case. Gives them security to know certain things are going to stay the same...
4)Getting out in life again. My first girls' weekend ever is this weekend! Reuniting with college roommate. When I lived with her I think I was the most authentic 'me' I had ever been. We just 'get' each other...sarcasm and all! Used to sit around quoting goodfellas to each other and watching cylcone basketball games, drinking beer and eating tacos. More like a couple of guys, I guess!
I am taking people up on social invites where I used to just pass.Been to a couple of jewelery parties, good for talking and getting cute new stuff!
Getting out there also means starting to date, or at least communicate/flirt, with the opposite sex. I have joined match.com and IM'd with a handful of guys, emailed with a few, went on a date with one (ew) and have another date with a more promising guy next week. Even if you aren't attracted to him, having a guy email that your profile impressed him and he thinks you're cute is always an ego booster!
Beyond that, no great plans. For me it is a setup for disappointment if you make too many plans over things you can't predict (will I meet a great guy, will I get back with H, will I ever get married again, etc etc). I know myself well enough to know that planning can = expectations. I am just enjoying life again. Which seemed impossible even six months ago...
Oh and as I just told K, I would be open to dating my husband if the time came where that was an option. It would give me the option of observing him from a safe distance to see if he is truly changing as a person. I would not just let him back in the house now, too late for that. But I would consider trying to reconect and see what happens...
Problem is for the longest time, I was waving my flag at the enemy instead of hiding it for him to have to capture. 