I think that was when I decided that I would be alone forever, and to just get used to the idea. No more crying, no more crushes or hopeful anticipation / expectations. I met my x only a few months later. And everything, everything changed.
Funny you should write that. Prior to marriage, I'd be on continual crush mode, then get close to a guy and become wacky, needy, out of control emotionally within. I was cute enough, smart and witty enough, caring.. but it always blew up in my face. I decided after the last bout that I would focus on my career, think about thinking about kids in 5 years, finish my MBA and not date. Three weeks later I met Bill. We both instantly fell for each other. He asked me to get married 3 weeks later, kept pushing to run away for the weekend, get hitched then return and then let people know.
Back then I felt like I could not have been luckier to know such an incredible guy.. and he truly was incredible. Now I would question why someone would want to get married so quickly, seeing it as a red flag rather than a 'soul mate' truth.
Maybe it's like going from riding on a raft down a river versus taking an oar and being part of the process.
