He said he no longer loved me in that way and wanted to see if life would be better single. We never had any time between leaving home and getting married as we were only 16/17 when we met and got married at 22/23. He had a heart attack at 42 which will be four years ago this coming Easter. He never changed a lot of things which would have been expected, but allowed me to change a lot of things; I bought my own horse and gave up work. From my pov in giving up work I became needy and reliant on him, and yes I know I certainly took him too much for granted. He is an easy going man so would never say. Since I have had to go out to work for myself and stand on my own two feet again I have a lot of sympathy for what he was doing in day to day life.
What are his LLs? Words of Affirmation, Quality Time and Physical Touch they are the same as mine.
When things were great what were you two doing? We were just happy being together, enjoying dining out, chatting, movies, sharing our hobby stories with each other.
What has worked? Becoming sexy sassy rabbit, standing on my own two feet, validating his needs and feelings, fulfilling his LL’s.
In the past what has he said he loves about you? That I was funny, sassy, good to spend time with, that I am generous and kind.
You need to get a grip on the finances together (opportunity to shine). I now have a job but he doesn’t, he contracts and is stuck finding a new one, my salary alone will not fund our main home let alone the two living apart which we are still doing and he shows no sign of giving up yet. I have lots of plans on how to reallocate them so that we can have a bills account, savings accounts and separate spending accounts each. As one bugbear was that neither of us planned or did anything because we didn't have our own money.
I have yet to see a WAS lead out of limboland. You have to move forward for yourself if he comes along then great, it's his choice.
See I agree with you there, leading him wont really fix it he has to come of his own choice, I feel that is a big step him accepting he wants to work at this marriage rather than sidle back into it unnoticed which is some thing I want to avoid.
What specific questions do you have? Ok it might be in my dreams or wishful thinking but I feel he is almost at the point of returning home, it might not be till xmas, he has discussed spending xmas with me and was almost upset when he thought I wasn't going to. We had a conversation the other week when we talked about where things were going, and H said he thought things were going well and he wanted to see what we wanted and if we could get back together. I told him that was good but I didn't want him to cake eat and it had taken me a lot to get where I was and I didn't want to go backwards. He complimented me on standing on my own two feet and said he would and wasn't cake eating. I’m just concerned that because he is spending several days a week here at our home and yes we are ML and enjoying the time we have together, can I consider this a sorta piecing and carry on going with it, but for how long, I always said I would call it a day at the end of 2009, but don’t want to shoot myself in the foot by being too hasty.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
