Jon, if you read this, I have to cancel tonight, but I will reschedule and keep you in the loop.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Thanks Kevin! I've been laying low, working on my life story for Recovery group. Gave it last Thursday, it was an amazing, but very tough experience. This isn't where I wanted to be in my story by the time I got to give it. But I started out by being honest about that.
Practicing with a new band for a Dec. 6th gig, and enjoying both of my jobs. No word from W about Thanksgiving, which is really bothering me when I stop to think about it, but just trying to keep going.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
You'll probably hear from her at the last minute (that seems to be her pattern when she's feeling unsure I think).
Good observation. I HATE that. Oh well. I'll be in Houston anyway, and she knows that.
Interesting, while we were driving around last time she visited, I was angry about the economy, taxes, etc. She said "don't you pray this prayer every week? Take this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that You will make all things right".
Wow, yes we do. I love the Serenity Prayer. I guess she heard that from SIL. It's hard for me to believe that she can see BIL and SIL, and how happy they are because they've dealt with their past. She's still not ready. So I guess she just needs to be miserable for a while longer.
I can tell she wants to be with me so badly, but is convinced that she shouldn't be. That's what's so hard, our visits aren't just cold, I can see the battle within her. Which means there's still hope.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I can tell she wants to be with me so badly, but is convinced that she shouldn't be.
What do you think is still telling her that?
If you aren't sure, is there a way you can ask her without it turning into an argument or a non-productive R convo?
What can you do to change her perception of those issues?
Go back to the real basics. What were the reasons she left? What is still keeping her away? And tackle them. You have given her time, you have made changes, and while you are seeing baby steps, it never hurts to reevaluate your progress.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Jon, I am trying to pull together another get together this coming Tuesday December 8th for dinner. If you read this and are interested, please let me know.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If you aren't sure, is there a way you can ask her without it turning into an argument or a non-productive R convo?
What can you do to change her perception of those issues?
Go back to the real basics. What were the reasons she left? What is still keeping her away? And tackle them. You have given her time, you have made changes, and while you are seeing baby steps, it never hurts to reevaluate your progress.
Good questions Michelle. I've been thinking about these and will come up with some answers. For now, some journaling.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Things have been strange since I last wrote a journal.
There have been e-mails here and there, usually some interesting thing W comes across and wants me to see. I responded to one of them, asking her if I could see her before Thanksgiving. She responded "I'm busy, sorry".
That was tough, but not a flat-out rejection. I decided to ride from Houston to Austin and back with my family, and spend some good time with them, figuring W would be busy after Thanksgiving.
Talked to W for a while the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and it was nice. She didn't want to get off the phone, telling me that SIL was in town (the reason she couldn't see me) and told me about a nice laptop bag that she'd seen at Sam's. I bought it on Black Friday, and we've talked about it some since. As we pulled back into Austin that day, she texted to see if I was still in town.
That day, she e-mailed me about taxes, and I told her I'm going to have to file an amended return. I claimed the wrong amount on my school expenses and a couple other things, and didn't realize until they were already in the mail. She was very unhappy about that, because we're going to owe instead of getting a return. I understand, but I have to be honest.
She told me she'd be in Dallas last weekend and could sign the amended return then, but then texted that her plans fell through. She called at at night on Monday and left a message saying she wanted to talk to me. I called back, and she just wanted to talk to me as she fell asleep. Again, nice. It's nice when she lets her guard down.
At 3:15 this morning, she texted asking if I was awake and would be in town this weekend. I got the message this morning,
tried to call back, got VM, then the following exchange.
Me: I'll be here in Dallas. Are you thinking of coming?
W: Yes Sat afternoon. Will that work for you?
W: Also Friday around 4. Staying at a hotel Friday night. When works for you?
I'm surprised how much this threw me. I'm still not detached. This is the second time she's come to Dallas for a secret reason, stayed in a hotel, and arranged a quick meeting with me. I have to admit I was hoping for more.
Several things in my life are going well. Had a great gig with a new band on Sunday night, and it looks like I'm in. A big confidence builder. Work is also going well, and I'm learning about the kind of work I do best and enjoy. Will write more about that later, as it goes along with Michelle's question.
The recent cold has been very hard. Makes it much more lonely to go to bed alone at night. I've been battling a sore throat as well. Miss riding the Harley as well. I've been fighting with some creditors as well, and it has me weighed down. Going well though.
I texted her back "Double-checking some plans".
I do have plans Friday night and Saturday afternoon, and I'm torn because I want to see her so badly. But to her this seems to be just business, and I need to accept that.
I'm thinking, after I double-check my plans, about calling her and saying that I would rather spend it with her, but I do have plans Friday night and Saturday. We could do a meeting Friday at 4:00. Any thoughts?
