It's not that it was a dumb question, it's just that it would kind of be like telling a toddler how to prepare for the SAT exam--it's not really information he can appreciate or use until he gets to a different point in his life.
That said, when my H was almost ready to come back, his behaviour left me incredibly confused. He was "cycling" harder than ever, so that sometimes I thought he was like one of those possessed dolls in the movies, smiling benignly at one moment, and the next the eyes are glowing red and the head is spinning crazily around.... In a few sentences he could make a plan for our future, come up with a crazy job change (in the OW's job field), start toward me for a hug and then give me the "fence post" hug instead, and slip in a lie about his earlier whereabouts, etc.
At that point I pretty much detached from him, and was having dreams in which I let him go and was meeting nice guys, which felt calm and good. When he phoned up to say he wanted to work on the marriage, I was quite surprised ... and underwhelmed. Even after that it took him weeks to say ILY, and over a year to express remorse and "get it."
It wasn't so much his treatment of me that changed as he came out of his fog initially, it was his treatment of our kids and my family. During his MLC and affair, the kids irritated him, and he was often snappy and critical. He'd get down to play with the toddler, but a short while later exclaim, "I've got to go and check my email now," or some such excuse, leaving her distressed. It was as if he couldn't focus properly on them--or anything, really.
Also, throughout his MLC he acted as if my family were a burden to him, and I'd be on eggshells at family gatherings, knowing how he'd complain afterwards (even if only that he was allergic to the plants in their house, which had given him a headache) and trying to make sure we left early. They weren't aware of what was going on, but I could feel all this hostility from him. As he came out of the fog, he became more relaxed around my family, and would comment after seeing them what a good party that had been, etc.
From time to time, my sister would bring over a special treat that worked with my H's dietary requirements. During his MLC he would snap, "I don't know why she bothers--it's not like I can eat it anyhow!" The day he said, "I really love that treat your sister brought over--it's absolutely delicious!" as though he'd never tasted it before, I was pretty sure the old H was coming back.
Try to take your focus off your H, who is on a journey that he needs to take for himself, and put it on you and your baby. Don't pressure him, but don't expect anything either. GALing definitely works, and is your reward for this difficult time. And in those dark and lonely hours when it seeems impossible not to obsess about your difficult situation, try instead to visualize the sort of woman and mother you admire most and would like to be--and then become her.
