I know. It is amazing when we all first come here we feel like this person is controlling our every emotion. And what we don't realize is that we actually have all the control we want.

I have learned to shut the ringer off on my phone. I have learned that if I don't want to talk to someone, I don't have to. Likewise, I have learned that if I want to talk to someone, I can. No one controls my life except for me, and I don't control anyone else's.

In the long run, I have to look at myself in the mirror and live with any choice I have made. Have I done all this perfectly? HELL NO...but I know that whatever decisions I make from hereon will affect my respect for self. I have worked too hard to lose that now.

I am rambling...I think it is because D23 read me the riot act last night. She was furious that I was even speaking to stbx, and I am thinking what if? I mean, in theory, what if we did try again?

And then I realized that I won't know the answer to that. I will only know if it were to happen. And it hasn't so what is the point of dwelling on it?

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..