Can I save my marriage?

[Coach]

britt, you asked me what worked for me on another thread, as you can see it's not one thing.
cheers

Trying to recap what worked for me in getting my W to return home. Lots of variables, personalities, history and my good looks all went into the reconciliation. I had a fairly "typical" WAW scenario - age, kids leaving home, career goals, frustration, communication problems, her issues, my issues, stress, kids and routine. I have been referred to as a "poster boy" for DBing, more like the poster boy for DAMA (Dumb A** Man Anonmyous) So what worked? My M hit the rocks a year ago in August, I did all the wrong things. My W left and filed for D in July. Crushed me hard. Fought it the whole way. She moved out and I was left with my house and the dog (don't forget the dog.)
A lot of this is blurry to me on some of the time line but here is how I coped.
Read this thread daily for weeks when I first got here: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...ite_id=1#import
Lot of wisdom there.
Kept posting even when I wasn't getting responses. Used the thread to update, journal, vent and ask questions. If you want specific help, just ask.
I posted on others threads when I could. Read up on lot's of other peoples threads and find people you can relate to.
Read on WAW threads. Learned a lot from the female POV.
Learned to communicate better. (Still can't type.)
Did the DB principles: GAL, 180s, act as if, goals.
Stress relievers: playing the drums, walking/playing with the dog, exercise, venting, talking to people who gave me good advice
Found posters who gave good advice and searched out their sitchs and what they were posting now.
Read other boards- seperated, piecing, WAS
Bought some new clothes, cologne, cross necklace
Set drums up in living room.
Found old HS friends and started talking to them.
Made friends here. Helped me a lot.
Worked on myself. Worked on myself. Worked on myself.
Found myself.
Did fun things with my daughter - zoo, swimming in the river, museums
Read this and wrote it in my journal from istherehope - "the people who had success kept a PMA and saw the good in the situation."
Realised this was out of my control.
Reread the Stockdale Paradox and adopted it for the situation.
Wrote this in my journal on 08/26/08: Day of reflection and revelations. Not a new thought but it is for me. This crisis in my life is not what I want but it's what I have been dealt. It will be the defining moment of the middle of my life. So I have to play it the way a great man would. Be true to myself, love my kids, honor my marriage, continue to love my wife, take responsibiliy for me, be a warrior and honor the Creator.
I had a open mind. Lot's of great feedback here from different perspectives. Discern what will have potential for you.
Feel your emotions: I have cried more the past year than in my life. Balance the negative emotions with some humor.
Manage your energy. Diet, exercise, sleep, and PMA. Not easy but necessary.
Before you do something test it. Bounce the idea of your thread, will it help with your goal?
Watch your self-talk. Be your own friend and coach.
Love yourself - find out what that means.
Pray. First thing in the morning, slid out of bed on to my knees. During the day, before falling asleep, in church, at work and here.
I talked to people everywhere, smiled at them, said hi, made eye contact, tried to get their name. One I was hungry for human contact, two I thought maybe they were hurting as bad as I was and I could brighten their day a little.
Learned to listen better. Act like you are observing yourself from a across the room and see how your really interact.
Talk to the women here. Men and women don't communicate the same - figure it out and keep learning.
Don't be defensive.
Be patient. Be patient. Be patient. Be patient.
Know yourself.
Never give up.