I am not in denial that she wants a D. I didn't send her books that had anything to do with praying for us, only D11. But the books also help you understand the kids and what they are going through and how to better relate to them and raise them. It isn't just praying for them. It is a combination of things in the books.
I guess I keep trying to find rationalization in an unrational mind. Ridiculous on my part.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
LOL! Funny you use that phrase. I'm constantly telling myself and others "You can't rationalize with someone who is being irrational." Another one of my favs is "dont get in the mud with a pig. The pig likes it and you get dirty."
Why not buy the books for your D11 and keep them at your house. Clearly your W does not feel the same way about prayer/raising children at this time and it does feel like you are pushing beliefs IMO.
I wouldn't per say ask your W for permission to have your D11 read these books but perhaps say something like: W, I bought D11 some books that I am going to keep at my house for her to read. Why don't you work on the American Girl books w/her and I will work on the books we have here. Who knows, with some consistent reading at both our homes maybe it will become less of a chore for D11 to read and she might actually learn to enjoy it.
Reading is a great thing. Why don't you implement some sort of reading hour with your girls a few nights a week. Go buy some big comfy floor pillows and find a little corner of your apartment that can be reserved for the "reading area". Let your kids be part of creating the reading area. Get them excited about it!
As far as your W thinking/justifying that the separation is not part of D11's behavior issues it might not be the root issue as you said she had anger issues prior but it certainly plays a part now. Your W might never acknowledge that and trying to point it out to her is fruitless.
I think those are some good ideas. I already bought the Shepharding a childs heart book for myself to read. The books were just suggestions to W. I am going to buy some of the Max Lucado books to do with D11 and D7.
And you are right, it is fruitless to point out to W that the separation is playing some part. W doesn't want to see that or hear it. She just wants to live in denial about it. I think I just get tired of hearing her constantly bring it up and defending herself on it. She knows I see right through it. So maybe I should just tell her to quit bringing it up.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
For my sitch, this one might also be a good one to read.
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
There is also a teen edition for the book you recommended.
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Another good set of books is Boundaries with Children. I love those. The whole Boundary set is great and you may find some of the stuff interesting. They are Christian based.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Excellent. Thanks. These are all good suggestions.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
