I have spent the last several months building myself up to do this divorce. And to be honest, I do want it. Regardless of what happens in the future, I don't want to be married to him, nor to anyone. Something in me has realized that relationship is over, and to continue this marriage would mean I was still living in that.
I don't want to be available to him, not to try to draw him back, but just because I don't want to. I am such a different person than the one you first posted to a year and a half ago, Michelle, and I know that no matter what, I deserve better than how he did treat me.
On the other hand, I suspect the stupid German will always have a part of my heart, and although I know at some point I will not speak to him anymore, it's kinda nice right now. I am not looking at it as we are reconciling, but at least this will end without the anger and animosity that was brewing.
Make sense?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
