Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

Well the temp order numbers are in, and I am getting hit pretty hard weekly. She's essentially going to get 1/2 my take home pay, but not quite in the way she wanted. This is exhausting, and I expect the process itself to be one thing of bad news after the other.

I have been ordered to pay the Marital home mortgages and utilities during the D process, and give STBXW 200 a week in support. I will be shortly underwater financially as I have to pay for my own housing and utilities as well, that puts me underwater by 1500 or so a month..

I have to take something from the fact that I will not just be handing her a big check every week hoping she makes the payments, but also couch that with the fact she gets a free place to live during these proceeding, and has 0 financial impact. I'll try and address that by knowing I am giving my d8 a quality home to live in when she is not with me.

STBXW is really just showing me her true nature, and it is really ticking me off. Talking with d8 last night, she puts the phone down for a second and I hear her ask my STBXW "Mom, can I tell dad that we got new furniture?" I can't here what STBXW tells her, but I know she says no don't tell him. I jovially told d8, so you got new furniture, and she felt like she was being put on the spot, so I made sure to tell her there's nothing wrong with that, and your not in trouble.

The new furniture doesn't bother me as much, as the fact that once again STBXW is putting my d8 in the middle of something that makes her uncomfortable, and asking her to try and hide something from me. This ticks me off, I would never do that to d8, I had to buy new furniture because I left it all at home for STBXW and d8, but would never tell d8 not to tell her mother.

I can not change STBXW behavior, but only make note if it, and how I feel about it, and then try and move on...