Did you not mention a third text from the wife? That response would have been understandable if one of the two emails was "sarcastic,assumptive,attacking,chastising", but they don't appear that way.
As far as D goes, you can't control how your wife disciplines her. In good households it is hard enough to work together....in our situations it gets so much harder. You have to work with your daughter independent of your wife. At first my wife was very unhappy with how I was handling the children, but since she wasn't around a lot that is how things went. Now grades are up and behavior is better...not perfect, but better. My wife criticizes a lot less about how I deal with the kids, but the proof is in the pudding. There is less arguing, grades are up, my children are happy, and believe it or not...my wife's relationship is getting better with them. I changed my tactics which changed our family environment....and though there are still battles....things are much less stressful.
