Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Well, there may be an EA or at least a guy looking for an EA. Facebook message this morning from guy who I know has gone out with W since I moved out. He was asking why she hadn't responded to his text the other day about the "Nazi interrogators" at work and now he's "gonna cry."

It's the kind of jokey, ingratiating message I'd send someone I was trying to "get to know better." Also, it means the day she had the really rough day at work and called me -- which gave me confidence that at least I'm still in her heart when it comes to work stress -- she also either called him or texted him.

So she's not just sitting at home. Of course, since she didn't respond to his text from a couple of weeks ago, it's unlikely she was with him last night. Maybe it's already fizzling or fizzled since she's been googling the dream ex-boyfriend.

She hadn't read the message so I deleted it. Of course, that could turn out to be dumb.

I know one of the DB rules is to not spy or snoop and that's one I'm struggling with. I guess I'd rather know what I'm up against rather than wonder if she's sitting home pining for me -- obviously she's not.

Having that knowledge changed how I handled this morning. D10's play is Monday and she lost her speaking roles for skipping dress rehearsal. We're really not sure why D10 skipped and understand why she lost the speaking parts. But the director running the show has changed schedules several times, been slow to tell the parents and generally been tough to deal with.

W has been growing increasingly frustrated. I've been listening on the phone but not really validating. One of our problems is that she feels I don't trust her to deal with these situations and don't back her up.

When I got off the phone I wasn't happy with my tone and after discovering the Facebook message, I sent her a text.

"You are handling play situation fine. I am behind you."

From my marriage rebuilders class, I'm guessing Words of Affirmation are one of her love languages and she hasn't felt that I was truly proud of her in a long time.

I feel I need to tread the fine line of not pursuing and taking the opportunities to show her love and support.