I don’t think this is a matter of “staying above it” as, IMO, by perpetuating the lack of respect (on many different levels) that an affair represents, it cuts to the very heart of why “friend-i-ness” can be an ever-elusive-but-oh-so-altruistic yet, in this case, unpalatable end.
But, getting back to @Smiley’s question: Do others disagree?
Nope. Sounds like you, and Smiley, hit the proverbial nail on the head.
And, I would throw this out. If we accept as true, that a woman cannot love a man she does not respect (which I do), then why shouldn't the converse be just as true. If my W, then, were having an A (don't think this is involved in my sitch, but I am going with the hypothetical here), there is no doubt my respect for her would be absolute zero. So, how can I love, or more importantly, want to be friends with someone I do not respect?
It strikes me that where a WAS has an issue that engenders a loss of respect from the LBS, it is patently unreasonable for that WAS to expect the LBS to be "friends" with the WAS.
And I think this "friends" issue is something different from forgiveness. Being friends seems to me to be something for the benefit of the WAS, while forgiveness is something the LBS does for the LBS' benefit in order to unburden themselves.
