Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

WH has left the building (LOL). I made a point to touch him by gently poking his arm while saying "good job getting him to sleep!" as we watched our son in the video monitor in our bedroom. (standing side by side)I may have touched him 2-3x this week which is a lot compared to the 0 times over the last few months.

Don't worry, I am not overdoing it. No, I am not giggling and touching him like some flirty teenager. (or desperate OW heh heh!)

So while exercising I was thinking...my 2nd greatest fear next to the divorce is OW spending time with OUR baby son. Is it a fear or is it based on some kind of protective/competitive instinct?

Then I start to think about the DB coach telling me to face my fear.

Then I start to think about 99% people telling me to go to NC with WH and enforce a divorced dad's visitation schedule before filing for D.After all...would I rather (gag, barf) let OW play with, hold, bond to my son for a temporary amount of time (i.e. Plan B/NC) OR an indefinite amount of time? (Plan D)

So. I am going to keep trying my strategy for a few more weeks. Then, before filing for D, I will get y'alls advice and implement plan B.

Wow. What will my friends and family think of me? All but my mom, my g-ma and one internet friend think I should have divorced my WH long ago. And now I am vowing to postpone plan D further? Seriously, I will need to be even more brave and bold by facing my condescending friends and relatives when I tell them I am not filing for D. I wonder if I will lose friends b/c of this decision.

All motivated by the existence of our baby boy.... but I am still 99% confident their relationship would end and he would be looking me up if we D'd without having a child. (Every ex boyfriend of mine has done it so why wouldn't he?)