New, my story

[Heartbroken20]

Inaspin - Glad you felt the IC was helpful to you. That's usually a good sign for future progress. My W and I were never able to find someone who was focused on helping us SOLVE our problems rather than discover why we felt the way we did.

We are now starting the divorce process as she refuses to work on the marriage any longer. So take my advice for what it's worth.

Only you can decide on whether the letter seems like the right thing to do. It seems like a lot of C's recommend writing letters so maybe it is. But I also believe where there's smoke, there's fire and your W's strong attachment to her guru is suspect to me. You may have done (or not done) things you should have in the past, but her refusal to now invest her energy in your M, rather than her escape into K-stuff, is really hurting your chances to work things out.

My W's EA was in full swing during the 2 years of our MC together (and may still be deep in her heart), so needless to say, there was no interest or commitment on her part to try to work things out. We have now commenced D proceedings as she refuses to work on our M any more (EA may still be ongoing). She says she "tried everything" but with the OM in the picture, we both know she wasn't REALLY trying and consequently, it was a foregone conclusion we would eventualy divorce.

I would also be careful about labeling your actions as "emotional abuse". I obviously don't know how you treated your W but would hazard a guess that you may not have been the husband you should have been but unless you were TRULY abusive in your dealings with her, it is unfair to you to be labeled as an "abusive" husband.

Sounds like the C-based group at your church may be helpful to you. I've always believed God doesn't always control each and every thought/action we take (that's why he gave us our own brains) but that he usually presents us with choices in life. Since everyone knows deep down what's right or wrong, it's up to us to make the right choice for us and then live with the consequences, whatever they may be.

My W has made her choice (of EA, self-interest and divorce) and I can not change it. All I can do is control my reaction to it and continue to maintain the high road. I refuse to lower myself to her level and be controlled by her twisted sense of morality. I simply can't compromise the standards I set for myself.

I am not even close to perfect but I have done nothing to warrant a divorce. But I have decided to give her what she wants and then let her live with the consequences. She claims God told her she needs to leave me while she was meditating on top of a mountain. Perhaps he did but that seems to contradict everything I've read about marriage in the Bible.

Regardless, I hope you continue to grow and become closer to God but most of all I pray he gives you both strength and peace. That way, no matter what happens, you will be better prepared for it.