You are making too much sense. I would agree, that I am at the anger phase on my way to the depression part. On my drive home from work, I jsut feel the stress and anger build up the closer I get to home. I would agree I am not detached. I came home tonight and just couldn't look her in the eye. I am angry that she was a coward and couldn't tell me that she had these feelings years ago. I am angry that she had more children with me while she had these feelings. I am angry that she is hurting our sons by doing this. They had the most innocent lives 7 months ago. I am angry that I will only get to see my sons 50% of the time. I am angry that I am supposed to wait for her to save money to divorce me.
In my heart, I don't think anything physical happened. There was definitely an emotional affair. I do believe whatever was going on has ended. I have confronted her on several occasions, she has denied every time. I guess in the end, it doesn't matter, the feelings of an EA and PA are roughly the same.
Was I controlling with money, maybe a little. I grew up with my dad making 35k a year and my mom cleaning houses.--I make $180k a year and we live check to check. We have one of college education paid for and two others 50% done. When I met her, all her credit cards work maxed out and she had smashed her second car bought by her father. He even gave her a Shell gas card. She went from his house to my house. So now she is trying to prove she can make it on her own. She never really understood what it takes everyday to live the lifestyle we have...
You know it is funny about the placate bit. You are right, i did back down quite often. A week ago, I didn't back down to her rage and anger. She looked at me with the devil eyes and I said hit me if you are going to hit me. And she did(in front of my oldest son). First time in 20 years. She had been drinking, and I told her to stop playing rock band at 8:45 at night with my other sons because I was studying with my other son who is struggling in school. I realize this situation i am in reads like a soap opera. Never, Never in my wildest dreams could I have predicted this mess.
You are so right regarding her rethinking her decisions. I have become everything she could have wanted. She has said as much. But you can't make them love you again and you can't fix them.
You are right about wanting the next relationship. It is something I think about often. You just miss that closeness with someone. I am very close with my sons and we do so much together. In fact, I am now running all their schedules for sports and she is asking me everyday where they need to be. There has been alot of role reversal. However, that realtionship is not the same. I do need more. Maybe it is because I haven't been with out a girlfriend since I have been 14 years old. Just a need I have always had...
Hope is my enemy. Indifference is my friend. I just hope this phase passes. It is exhausting being angry.
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
