Hi K, sorry I haven't been around much lately. I was catching up on your thread and it really concerns me how you were feeling. Especially when you were talking as if there was no use in having R's and other things in life b/c we have no promise of ever holding on to that. (Those are not your words.....I should have cut & pasted your post but it was long.) I do hope you will see a professional about this b/c you are certainly affected by everything that happen. The impact it had on you is severe and you need somebody who knows how to guide you to a better place in your life. This is not a healthy way to think. It's not your fault, K, but you need some sense of hope and to go forth and continue. Everything you believed in and worked for seem to collapse and now you can't find any reason to continue looking at life as you once did.
But when you said this.......it got me.
Quote:
That just makes me angry because my H gets off with a little bit of guilt but really he got to eat a big fat cake and have me too. WOW!!!
I think that is a lot of your problem. You feel that he had his A and got to come back home and pick up where he left off as if nothing ever happened........and the truth is you are pissed b/c he has not had to suffer enough.
Well, to tell you the truth.....I got that impression myself. It did seem that he got off pretty easy. But, then I have to look at my own stitch. From an outsider..it may appear that I got off very easy. Compared to a lot of things that "could" have happened...yes, I did. But, I have gone though my own issues, and I suspect your H has too.
You said he gets off with a little bit of guilt. He seemed very remorseful and wanted to do whatever it took to make things right again. What do you want to happen to him, K? If you had the power, what you make happen to him? What else could he say that would make things better? What could he do? Nothing.....and that's the problem. You feel he ruined your fairy tale life and now you can't get it back. You see it as being tarnished and you can't get over that. You are angry at him for ruining what was special. Don't you think that he feels that also? He knows how you feel and all of that is cast at his feet, so that pretty much adds to that littl bit of guilt.
You can still have a wonderful MR if you want to badly enough. But, you do need guidance. I hope you will get it, b/c that little bit of guilt you say your H has.....may get the best of him and he'll give up. In order for him to survive what he did to you, the M, his family.....he has to see some signs of hope. The entire family needs to see that. I'm not implying that it is all on you. Everyone has to do their own personal work...and if it is more than they can handle, then it's time to call in the professionals.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
