Question

[awest1217]

Good/bad news.

H came over after work. He bought me honey, tea, and a new quicker thermometer (the last one is good, but makes me think he is not coming home soon because he has one so if he is coming home why do we need two?). He suggested getting those things and came over. He then went right to making me tea. He also made me dinner, more tea, and more tea. Because of all of it, my throat is actually starting to feel better. While he was busy, I did another bad thing. I checked his phone...I had to know...OW has moved in. Good things...H did not once say "I love you" in all the texts to her, every text was more work related or at least about what going to eat that night. Bad things...H thinks OW might be pregnant. I am pretty sure it is NOT H's baby based on the texts and phone records and a few other things about H that are private.

Later, H stayed on his own will. I said something about the first every name exchange for my family (5 sibs total so exchanging names to make it better and get better gifts). H asked if it was a couple exchange or just names. I said we are picking a couple except my little sister will be a single since she does not have a spouse yet. He asked what I was doing for us. I asked if we would be "together" then. He said would you like to be. Of course, I said yes. Then he went on to talk about what is holding him back and how before he always felt like I didn't respect him. I said I understand and that I didn't respect him and controlled him and want to work on that. He said how he noticed how I did change and let him take control, which he liked. We just kept talking from one thing to another. Everything was positive. He kept talking to me and I listened. When he stopped I would just agree and say how I agree. I told him a few insights I had today, like how kids show the true meaning of forgiveness and love because S does not care what H does. He loves his daddy and wants him home no matter what. I cried, he cried, but everything was very positive. We talked about football, teaching...a lot for about one hour.

During that time, OW called three times and he never got up to answer and I didn't say anything about it. He just completely ignored it. One baby step.

So a few baby steps tonight; coming over without being invited to take care of me, bringing up R on his own, and ignoring OW when she called.

However, she is living with him, and I forgot to mention, there was something about christmas flight tickets...

I just don't know. I watched Glee tonight and I laughed and cried because the songs get to me. I was at a point where I wanted to do an ultimatum, but at the same time, if H really isn't doing anything with OW, but giving her someplace to stay (her H stays out late drinking) then maybe he really is trying with me. He did ignore her and didn't right away when she called say "I have to leave". Also with her calling, it means he didn't tell her ahead of time. He just took care of me because he wanted to. I told him he didn't have to because although I am tired and have a sore throat, I could make dinner and everything, but he said no I am going to do it and deal with it. It wasn't mean, but more saying I want to do this so don't worry about it.

I think this is my plan. I am going to keep to what I have been doing. Good but bad my throat really is starting to feel better so H won't come over to take care of me, and it is so nice to have. Thanksgiving is just us. Our anniversary is three weeks later, and I am kind of hoping for him to do something, but I know I am setting myself up so trying to not expect it. Then Christmas. Then New Years. I am planning if H is not home on New Years, giving the ultimatum then. I am going to ask "Are we going to start 2010 as a family or not? You know where I will be so you decide what how you would like this year to start. I hope to see you!" We always have church on new year's and pray in the new year so hopefully he would come, but that is a while away.

I am really rambling tonight. Just a lot on my mind, sorry.