my W doesn't regret her affair

[Gnosis]

Future you're wavering here. You're letting doubt flood in. I'd stick the previous letter without that guilt inducing paragraph. You have to show strength and conviction. Think of this as a high stakes poker game and its time for you to bluff.

You've been playing the game badly because she's seen you fold time and time again in the past. Every time you put up a boundary she crosses it to test your resolve.

Some things I'd like to point out to you:

Part of me is thinking this is a bit of a betrayal since we were talking open and honestly about what was going on, and she said she needs a few more days, and although she could tell I didn't like it, I agreed. For me to do this would go back on what I said, and make it seem like I've been plotting behind her back.

1. How can this be a betrayal? She asked for a few days and you gave her weeks. Boundary crossed. Result = No consequences.

2. You pursue to talk. She makes excuses and evades, hiding behind texts and emails, knowing you won't do a thing.

For me to do this would go back on what I said, and make it seem like I've been plotting behind her back.

I disagree. Yes, she may think that, but your letter explains why. Her silence and avoidance has given you the answer. i.e. She still wants her fingers in both pies. Oh, and expect that spew (read my previous post)

I won't go through your entire thread. You know you're own history better than us. Look through your actions every time she's crossed a boundary. You failed.

As an example, think of when raising your kids and they push your boundaries, like when you tell them to go to bed. They disobey and disobey until you lose your temper. When you lose your temper they know that if you have to tell them once more, they will get punished.

You have let this woman get away with murder. Murder you ask? Yes, I say. Murder of your self-esteem and self-worth. You tolerate this because you love her and want her back. We can understand this.

However, every time you let her cross the line she loses respect for you. She knows what she can get away with and she knows that as long as you harbor feelings for her she can continue along her merry philanderous ways.

Look at other people's threads. Only when the LBS is at their wits end and throw in the towel is when the WAS sometimes wakes up and wants to pursue a reconciliation. Then LBS welcomes WAS back with open arms, unconditionally and without boundaries due to fear of loss. What happens then? Some time later WAS walks again. I'd hate to see this happen to you.

Be firm. Be strong. No woman EVER stays with a man she cannot respect. Respect is an attractive quality a woman looks for in a man.

Some good signs that this may work:
1. You said last fall she was full of brass and now she's not.
2. She was having second thoughts of going through with the S.

I probably should just stick with the separation. She seems to consider it a very serious step in the ending of our marriage, so maybe it has enough teeth to work.

I agree this seems to be the best path to follow. Perhaps add this little piece into the mix:

W, I'd like to make myself very clear one point in this process. In my eyes separation is the equivalent of divorce. For me there is no difference. The minute these papers are signed we are DONE... FOR GOOD. I do not consider you a friend. There will be no friendship. You are the remnants of a distasteful business transaction to me. I will not be there for you and do not want to know you. For the kids sake and with their best interests in mind I will treat you with the same politeness and courtesy I reserve for a stranger. Good luck to you.

I'm not my most eloquent tonight so take the above and rework it.