SO- big update this time. He wants another chance. He made some impressively (for him) self-reflexive statements on the phone the other day. He acknowledged that in the R, he was unable to see past his own emotions, and to see that we were two distinct people. He also acknowledged that it was early in the game- he said he had a lot of work to do on himself and had done some so far. He said: "you were- you ARE my wife- you're my family- I couldn't see that before." He also told me that he didn't need an answer from me now (which clearly I can't give him anyway at this point) but it's a real step for him to not demand an immediate answer. Ok, now for the red flags: 1. he just lost his job. I'd rather his life was going great so I knew he wasn't looking, even subconsciously, for a life-fix by getting back with me. 2. he hasn't completely humbled himself. (I am basically certain at this point that he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder). He feel entitled to a 2nd chance- he actually says he deserves one. I told him he does not deserve one, but that that is not really the issue. 3. I am not sure that he, or anyone, for that matter, is capable of SO much change. He says he wants to be a good husband, but he has so far to go and so much work to do- and I think it will be a continual job for him. 4. He hasnt seen a therapist yet
So, my thought now is that I need to sit back, watch and wait. It's ironic, because months ago, he said emphatically that if we stayed apart we would lose feeling for one another, and I disagreed. In the meantime, I have closed my heart to him somewhat, and his feeling for me has grown. Ironic.
It is hard to be unsettled in all of this- I know now that I can live without him, I have serious doubts that he can be a good husband, and I never want to go through infidelity or emotional abuse again. At the same time, if I don't give it a second chance, will I always wonder "what if?"
Any and all thoughts from you wise folks are much appreciated.
