In shock...

[praying_in_GA]

Well, he called last night right as we were getting into bed. I am going to have to set a time for him to call so we can have a schedule. I clicked the speakerphone button and handed it over to my daughter. She told him we were going to be so she had to go LOL! She told him bye and I hung the phone up.

This just seems to be a rude thing to do, but I understand why it has to be done.

[Lll54]

I also feel rude doing this kind of stuff. My H gets quite mad when I don't say "Hey!" first next in my texts never mind not even speaking on the phone at all! My H doesn't call to say goodnight to our boys so I haven't had to do this yet. But I feel your awkwardness.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

What's more important, being "rude", or sticking to a healthy bedtime for your daughter?

What's more important, being "rude" or enforcing healthy boundaries for your own emotional well-being?

Besides, it not being "rude" at all. You can add the appropriate social courtesies, and teach yourself to say things like "I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I need to get D to bed now. We'll talk later this week -- bye!" (and then HANG UP).

or

"I'm so sorry, I just noticed the time. I don't mean to cut you off, but I'm now running late. We'll catch up tomorrow -- bye!" (and then HANG UP THE PHONE).

Puppy

[praying_in_GA]

I know! I have known this man for 10 years. Not a day has gone by that we didn't have a conversation of some sort...but that is ALL the more reason to fade away right now. He is used to it and I am used to it. Time to take away the comfort.

[Lll54]

Comfort is definitely a good word. My H uses it every second day. He calls just to "talk". He doesn't admit it, but really has nothing to say when I answer, makes stuff up on the spot. I've realized its all about the "comfort". It didn't click in till I read your sentence about taking that away. Thanks! You didn't mean to help, but you did!

[praying_in_GA]

Well, he came home 15 min early. I just got my stuff, told the kids bye and left. I told him I would see him in the morning. Now I am going to be at work 15 min early but I didn't want to just wonder around in the bedroom waiting until time to leave.

Man, that sucked. It would have been nice to sit with the kids and him without talking about things.

[praying_in_GA]

So, he just called me here at work. He said "hey, I just wanted to call and see how you are doing. It has been a while since I asked. I kinda feel like I abandoned you and wanted to check on you." I said "I'm fine!" He said "ok, if you don't want to talk about it that's fine, I just wanted to check." I said "I am fine. Right now I am trying to decide where I want this to go. But everything is fine." He said "oh, ok." Then I told him I had to go back to work and that I would call the kids later.

I am so bad on the spot!! I wish I would have had something better to say than "trying to decide...." Damn it!! Tell me I didn't screw up too bad!

[Coach]

Actually not bad for your experience. "Trying to decide" is very good. You let him know you have choices in this.

Cheers

[brownidmom]

Actually not bad for your experience. "Trying to decide" is very good. You let him know you have choices in this.

Cheers

PiGA,
I agree with Coach. You didn't place any blame, didn't show any weaknesses. Ya did good, kid!!! Remember, baby steps.

Have a good night at work.

BIM

[praying_in_GA]

Thanks. I felt so stupid after I hung up. I just couldn't thing of what to say! Besides, why does he care how I'm doing??