Okay..to answer your first question...I said I would get a full time job...in march they offered full time at my work but we had no one to watch my s and at the time my d. H was still working...he acutally quit a month early and I was trying to be the supportive wife and said okay..I have not been great about paying the bills and have not been honest about them..mainly because we did not have the money and I just am crappy at paying bills. I am a HORRIBLE money manager but after all of this happend I showed him EVERYTHING we owed..So he talked to his sister and she said she manages her money and why can't I and she cannot believe I got behind on our mortgage, how could I do that to our family. I will be honest, I did screw up the bills and made promises I could not keep but only because we do not have a ton of money. We both have degrees but work crap jobs. Not much I can do about that. I have to work a crappy split shift to avoid daycare so I cannot be home at night. So...here is where the trust issues with HIM he said started. 5 years ago..that is right..I said 5 freaking years ago after having my daughter I lost control, I could not function, I was scared, he was working late at night and then school in the morning, long story short I had ppd or anxiety or a nervous breakdown and had to live with my parents during the week, I would not drive or work or do anything, I was a mess..This lasted a few months, in which I collected short term disability. My H lost his job and my parents suggested we move in with them( he said when I was sick and living with him I abanonded him and how could I do that to him)..so we did and he said that was the beginning of the end of our marriage. I went back to school, he was mad about it..it took almost 2 1/2 years of living with my parents until I finally got all of our finances together, cleaned up our credit and made sure we bought a house. I have asked my H repeatdly to help with the finances in which he said he would but never did. I overeacted so many times to so many things...maybe that is a trust issue with him..he could not trust my emotions..but he did a lot of things to make me NOT trust him. He had left me numerous times in the past. When we first were dating he left me at our apartment and cleaned ALL of his stuff out...This could get SO much longer..I blame myself for ALL of it. I always will no matter what anyone tells me..I feel SO SO very responsible..for his emotional or whatever affair 3 years ago..but since then I have changed..ALOT...I am still working on the finance thing..but keep in mind his little law school adventure cost us ALOT of money! I have supported him since day 1..he had no job, no driver lisc. NOTHING when we first got together. I loved him so I did not care..I acutally helped him get his financial aid back, his driver's lisc, I have found him every job he has had..I was PATHETIC! I do not nag, beg or grovel now..I dont care..but I do feel responsible for the failure of our marriage. It is sad..that I did not hear him before..but the one thing I got out of all of this is ME..I am back..I am starting to feel at peace for once in my life..except for my need to understand why he does not love me of course. But I feel free from the obsessing about OW or him or what he is doing during his day..I dont care anymore. He has hurt me so many times..He used to apologize. I wish I had a magic wand to fix the utter financial mess we are in but I do not..Luckily my mom has agreed to show me the way on that front..He sister has played a HUGE part in this..saying I was controlling and kept him away from his family..BS! really! I invited her everywhere! I have been NOTHING but nice to her. So the trust thing comes from me and not keeping my word about the finances and law school and whatever the heck. Oh..I think you pushed my buttons..I am pretty ticked right now..not at anyone here..just him. I hate carrying this around with me every day..I want the weight to be lifted and to be free again...but I cannot. I cannot make money or trust appear in his life. I did enroll him in a Masters program and scheudled the test which he did take and fixed his financial aid..
