Im not really sure where to post, but I'll post here cause these are the threads I follow daily.
My story is posted all over this site. I fought for my marriage, though didnt do very well at it. Found out 3 months after D official that W had been having an affair at least 1 year before we were separated, with a married man.
OMW contacted me and we have had many conversations in the last 9 months or so. She also tried valiently for her marriage. In this process we were able to uncover all the details regarding their affair, all the lies, and all the mud. I'm not sure it was worth finding out all the information. OM has filed for D. My W has rewritten our past and says she never left me for him. This is crushing to me because its totally obvious. She had an affair, then decided our marriage was terrible, ended it, then forced him to end his.
So why am I here? I guess Im just looking for support. Im having a very hard time detaching, even though W has done terrible things to me. We rarely communicate, though we share custody of 2 kids. My main problem with her is she doesnt put the kids first. She puts herself, her social life, vacations, her friends first.
I am very angry at m W for putting us in this position. We did not have a bad marriage. It may not have been perfect, but she never put forth the effort to bring up whatever it was that was bothering her. The excuses I heard in counseling were trivial. 'He watched too many sports, never did the dishes', that kind of thing. All the while she was meeting up with OM in local hotel rooms.
I have pretty much gone completely dark with her since the revelation of all the OM stuff. I had two in person 'discussions' with her in which I went ballistic about this guy and all the lies she had told me. She did tell me at that time that she did screw up, but she loved this guy and they are probably going to spend the rest of their lives together. OM at one time called me on the phone to befriend me. That didnt go so well for him. He hasnt called me since and I have never met up with him in person. I'd like to remove his head.
What I am struggling with is she is still dishonest, disrespectful, and very selfish. Even though she totally treats me like I dont exist, I am having a very hard time getting her off my mind. I miss her very much and very sad she is with OM. But I know I cannot ever take her back because of the pain she has caused me. When I see her or talk to her it puts me in a big tailspin. I cannot avoid this because we share kids. I have asked her to not show up at my house out of the blue. She agreed that was wrong and wouldnt do it.
Then, there must have been turmoil with OM because I was hearing from her 'you dont care about me', 'why do you want to ruin my life'...that kind of stuff. She then started showing up unannounced for unneeded kid stuff. I surmise she put the ultamatum on OM to leave his wife, and he refused. I think she thought it was over....but now, he filed and they are like peas and carrots.
This past week was tough for me. She ignored the rules of the parenting plan and she went to Hawaii with OM. She set it up that her mother would watch the kids. Well, I am supposed to get the kids if she is out of town. My biggest problem was I thought my inlaws were supporters of me and were very upset at their daughter for her behavior. Apparently they are over it as they are supporting OM now, by gma watching the kids for them and letting W and OM use their place in Maui. To me its like a kick in the stomach.
So...I have tried my best over the past 18months to move on, get a life, etc. Im having a hard time doing that. I cant get over the hump. I cant get over hating what she has done and where I stand right now.
