Good to know. I will let you make that recommendation to them. Maybe they can pull Jim Brown out of retirement. He couldn't be worse than what they have now.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Glad you didn't send the email. You and W already had the conversation boundary talk. Now just enforce it. But I wouldn't tell her you are. Just act uninterested and end the conversation with her mid sentence. Gotta be quick on your toes to catch it. W:Can you pray for my bff and her.... You:..ok, really busy. Gotta run. (with a huge smile on your face like you are headed to Disneyland or something)
If you shut her down and then tell her why, she will think you are doing it out of spite. When you act indifferent to her or anything in her life that will bug her more.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
As far as last night went, it was fine to talk to me about the appointment as I asked and it was obviously kid related.
But I am afraid I am going to have to ask you to refrain from speaking on any other matters such as BFF and H or anything else that is going on in your personal life.
Granted, I asked about them today out of concern for them which I really should not have since it was not kid related either.
But you set this rule that there could be no talking unless it is about the kids or financial and have shut me down in the past. But yet you keep talking to me about stuff that is not related to the kids or financial. You keep venting to me about things that are unrelated such as arguements with your mother and how you feel about your family.
I am just trying to honor the boundaries that you set."
Kevin
Wait. You brought the topic up in the first place, so you broke the boundary she set, not her? Oh. Next time try saying "sorry I asked" and then drop it. And of course you should not send that letter. That's a no brainer. No words. No letters...just doing things differently. If you feel compelled about irony then be direct and say "gee w, no irony in that request..." and move along. What are you afraid of? Why walk on egg shells? Don't be angry when you say it; be amused. It is ironic. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Do you know why *my* H texted me last night (I ignored it) and e-mailed me first thing today? Do you know why *my* H asked if he could help me and be there for me even though, as per him, he knows I won't let him. Do you know why *my* H asked to come over and pick up papers that I could mail to him? Do you know why *my* H thinks the legal separation will "wipe our slate clean"?
You don't know and I don't either. Who cares? Detach. Let these crazy WAS think what they want. I am done. Over it. I hope I am around to see the day when you just get so tired of the BS you just detach and say WHO CARES!
I woke up this morning and did some praying for W's day, my girls day, and other M's and my day. Then I got started getting ready for work and headed out.
W calls me on the way to work. She says that D11 has given everyone real attitude problems. She is really berating her sister D7 and last night told D7 that she has to ask permission to get on the couch. W went off on D11 for that. So W sends D11 to her room. Then W hears D11 crying and goes in to see why. D11 has a picture of my mom on her phone who is now deceased and is crying about it. W tells her that she would buy it if D11 hadn't just gotten in trouble. W takes away D11's cell phone and sees that D11 has put on her cell phone that she hates her family.
W points out to D11 that D11 seems to have a problem with everyone else and nobody has a problem with her. Who is the common denominator here. Of course D11 has to acknowledge that. D11 has always had anger issues when she didn't get her way. D7 isn't doing anything to her, but D11 takes everything out on D7 anyways.
So W tells D11 that she is doing permanent damage to D7.
Prior to W taking away the cell phone D11 sends a text to me and W asking on a scale of 1 to 10 how much do we love her, how much do we love D7, and how much do we love each of them. Well, both me and my W responded equally and that nothing would ever change that.
Then W tells D11 who would be the type of person to treat kids differently. D11 says a cold hearted person. So W asked D11 if W is cold hearted and D11 says no. I'm sitting here thinking W's mom does exactly that to D11 and D7. She has always shown obvious favor to D11 and hurt D7's feelings many times. But I didn't say my thoughts. W tells me she is limiting contact now between D11 and her mom. I think that is great. Her mom is a terrible person in how she treats people. She has done nothing to build the bond between D11 and D7. She has done a lot of damage there.
So W calls me and wants me to ground D11 tonight instead of waiting for her to come back to W's house. I'm onboard. We have to be in agreement with the kids.
W tells me that her and the C believe that D11 is using this D as an excuse to manipulate things her way more than anything. I said I think the separation is playing a part in it, but not completely. I refused to say D, I will refer to it as a separation.
I told W that I am glad D11 is in C. She really has some issues that are coming with the hormone changes, family changes, middle school, etc.
That being aside I did some research on some books that could help out in handing D11 better or at least maybe could. I sent them to my W.
Books that might help you and me with D11.
The Power Of a Praying Parent The Power of a Praying Parent : Prayer and Study Guide The Power of a Praying Parent Book of Prayers Shepherding a Child's Heart
For D11
It's Not About Me: Live Like You Mean It (Teen Edition) By Max Lucado Facing Your Giants : Teen Edition By Max Lucado Just Like Jesus for Teens By Max Lucado Redefining Beautiful: What God Sees When God Sees You By Jenna Lucado and Max Lucado
Apparently W has also bought 2 american girl books that she wants D11 to read a chapter in each night about helping her grow and then email both me and W what she read and learned each night. I said ok. D11 hates to read so this should be interesting.
W says quickly that her end date is the end of December for her contract and then says have a good day and goodbye. I said have a good day and goodbye as well.
That way my morning.
Oh, I did get an email from the C yesterday saying she thought the session Tuesday evening with W and the girls went really well.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
It is just amazing to me that W always throws in there that the current situation doesn't have anything to do with issues the girls may be having. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
It isn't all of it, but it is certainly playing a part in it. How dense can you be??? Of course there are other issues at play here, but to say that the situation has nothing to do with it is so bogus from everything that I have read.
I get frusturated every time she says that. It is like she feels like she constantly has to defend her decisions. And I guess that is because she knows that I see BS in it.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 11/19/0903:59 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
It's called Denial Kev. You should know abou it Just like you are in DENIAL about her wanting a DIVORCE. Just ACCEPT REALITY and move on. Dont send her books about praying. That is judgemental. People that are being judge DO NOT feel RESPECTED.
You say you know you should DETACH but you still are asking questions about what she is thinking. Who cares!?! DETACH.
Just like you are in DENIAL about her wanting a DIVORCE. Just ACCEPT REALITY and move on. Dont send her books about praying. That is judgemental. People that are being judge DO NOT feel RESPECTED.