Hope and heartache

[awest1217]

It is good that you are still just going to focus on your for six months before filing. It is important to really focus on your and D's for a while before then. That way if it happens you already have a "new" life where you are happy, and if it doesn't then you know more about you and can be a better couple.

Have a good night and one question what about D7? I know you are closer to D10, but you really need to remember to spend some time with D7 as well to foster that relationship.

[ClingingToHope]

One thing W asked was about Sunday. She has a baby shower to go to and can take D10, but D7 would be bored. So she wanted to "offer" me a chance to take her for a few hours. If not, she'd drop her off at her mom's house.

I told her I'd love to have D7 for a few hours. W said that D7 "would like that one-on-one time with you."

You think?

...

W just called. Kid issues. D7, who is in a special program and hasn't had homework this year, is getting some now. The teacher thinks she's ready. Of course, D7 doesn't and apparently it was a real struggle to get her to do the writing homework.

D7 has been complaining more about school. She told W last night that apparently she's been getting restrained more and there's one kid in her class who tries to get her in trouble. And one time last week the principal was called in. There's been no mention of this in the after-school notes in D7's folder. So perhaps D7 is being overdramatic or the teacher doesn't want to ring the alarm yet. W wants to call a meeting.

D10 pulled a funny stunt today as well. She had rehearsal after school but came home instead. She said she wasn't sure if anyone would pick her up, she had a lot of homework and she'd promised D7 that she'd play with the Fisher Price toys with her.

It was a dress rehearsal so it's unclear whether she'll be allowed in the play. Interestingly, the play director sent an email at 5:48 a.m. reminding parents of the rehearsal but W doesn't check her email in the morning.

W sounded a bit unsure and frustrated. I listened, said mmmm, hmmm a couple of times. Made a suggestion when she said the school should maintain a separate web site for the play. And then said goodbye as soon as W said "that's all I have."

The only part where I was tempted to jump in was when she mentioned another students parents were divorced. We, of course, aren't yet.

Had me second to last Marriage Rebuilders class tonight. This one was about how affairs happen and how to rebuild a marriage after. It was interesting stuff, but it was nothing I haven't read on this site. I brought up the fact I'm actually battling a conceptual affair. That W is focusing on an ex-boyfriend in the Chicago suburbs rather than think of our failing M.

All in all, it was a very interesting day.

[awest1217]

Is D10 and D7 in the same school? I am wondering if D10 knows more about D7's situation at school and is trying to help her out. Now if they are not in the same school, D10 might just be starting to act out as she realizes mom and dad may never get back together.

I hope everything goes well with the girls and that you can figure something out to help them.

[ClingingToHope]

D10 is in a gifted program, while D7 is in a special program for ADHD students at another school. They've never gone to the same school. In fact, unless we change districts or the district changes formats, they will never be in the same school. Our district started a freshman only school. The year D10 will be a senior, D7 will be a freshman.

Boy, that's looking ahead. Still, I have confidence in both of them long-term. I suspect, and I doubt W will think of it this way, that both are struggling a bit because of the separation.

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling. Woke up this morning and focused on D7's issues at school. It was a little later when I started thinking about my marital sitch. That's progress.

Pitching some big end-of-decade ideas for work, which should keep me busy for the next month. I need some motivation.

[ClingingToHope]

I really wish we'd change where the girls get dropped off after school. Since I'm the one meeting them off the bus, I want them to go to my apartment. But W wants them to come to the house and I won't fight her on it this year.

But that means I'm over there for an hour every day and it's hard not to notice things.

Today, she left loan papers out near the computer. So I'm logging D7 onto a game and I take a look. Perhaps it's wrong, but I'm still on the hook for this stuff. Looks like she wants to get out of a joint loan we took out together back in February.

Unfortunately for her, they require my signature. No way am I taking on that loan by myself. I'm guessing she knows this because she signed it on Oct. 3 and never asked me about it. I've been giving her $50 a month to cover my half of it.

Second, more positive, thing. I wrote her a series of letters back in August and September before I totally took LRT to heart. I wasn't sure she even read them, but they were tucked in a little bag to the right of the computer.

Of course, as long as she's pining after the dream ex-boyfriend I'm not sure if any of this matters.

D10 had a tough day. By skipping the dress rehearsal yesterday, for reasons we still really can't figure out, she lost her individual speaking parts. So she's upset.

D7 had a good day.

I'm picking both up in 90 minutes for the night.

[givingitmyall]

I'm picking both up in 90 minutes for the night.

So make the decision to have fun with them.

[mishka422]

Enjoy your sweet girls!!!

[ClingingToHope]

Detachment setback. W just called upset about D10 having her speaking parts yanked for missing the dress rehearsal. She started out accusatory because D10 is mad at her for emailing the director last night. D10 said the director was angry.

D10 didn't mention that part to me. Anyway, at one point she said she'd forward me the email when she (hesitating) gets to where she needs to go.

Wednesday is my night to have the girls and this is at least the second Wednesday she's left work before 6 p.m. -- she rarely does this -- to go somewhere.

As the LBS, I of course jump to bad conclusions -- meeting with the dream ex-boyfriend. Park Ridge is 90 minutes away or perhaps another night-time divorce lawyers appointment.

I know, I know, I shouldn't care, but I still do.

[Gardener]

I printed out the 25 Do's and Don'ts for LBSs several months ago. It's on my kitchen counter so I can refer to it occasionally.

D10 saw it last night and asked me about it. I told her that three years ago, when W started having doubts, I did all the wrong things. I kept trying to pull her back and instead it pushed her away and now I'm trying to give her as much space and time as she needs.She seemed to understand.

She also seems wise beyond her years.