I haven't had the chance to yet read through your entire thread. Does your state offer any sort of legal or temporary separation option? If so that might be something to think about. It keeps your legal marriage in tact but protects you both financially and creates a framework for both a divorce OR a reconciliation.
If you do divorce most of the agreement is already in place. If you do reconcile it's a matter of getting the separation agreement dismissed. And it buys you time without just ending things with the finality of a divorce.
