All the dating naysayers out there, this is why it works.
It's also not the only thing that is effective. Dating isn't a cure all. If it was would you still be where you are?
It's the mindset/attitude that you need to develop. "I'll be fine without you. I want you, I don't need you. If you don't want to be married to me then I will find someone else to share my love with." This is loving detachment.
Now you are internally validating yourself instead of needing the external validation. This is a much healthier place to begin any new relationship.
You can be a great DBer, go date, detach, GAL, 180, act as if all you want, still doesn't mean you are going to save your marriage. While it only takes one person to change the dynamic, it does take two to have a great marriage. In the end you are only half the equation. You can't control the other half.
This is the brutal reality, most of the people who post here don't save their marriages. A real DBer will save themselves regardless of the outcome. Have a open mind, try new things - if they work keep doing it, and be responsible for your own happiness.
Going out on a limb here, but wouldn't "bringing back" a WAS through dating (i.e., jealousy) run square into a problem with this precept: that unless the WAS decides to work on the M FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, any "reconciliation" is condemned to be temporary? I mean, if we agree that the WAS should return if, and only if, it is based on wanting to work on the M and wanting to win back the LBS, then wouldn't that exclude WAS returning because of jealousy (LBS now dating) or guilt (return for the kids)?
And if the WAS returns because of jealousy, isn't that not only a temporary victory, but a hollow one as well. Jealousy would mean the WAS doesn't necessarily care about the LBS, they just don't want someone else to have the LBS. It's the classic case of I am jealous of what you have but I don't want what you have, I just don't want you to have it?
Maybe dating can shake up the WAS (and it may be one way to lead to reconciliation), but does it lead to reconciliation or just more problems?
Your spouse having an affair (for those LBS's with WAS's who are having affairs), what prompted you to action?
Your WAS leaves and pursues someone else, and you pursue them, you accept the DB'ing process and resolve yourself to improve yourself for yourself first and also to stop the divorce and piece back a marriage.
Is this correct?
So your spouse having an affair prompted you to action whereas before the affair happened, what prompted you to action? What prompted you to change and win back your spouse?
Until the affair happened, you probably didn't do much to change what you were doing.
You were prompted to action based on the crisis situation that you were thrown into: your spouse pursuing a relationship with someone else.
Maybe Dating isn't the be all end all solution, I never said it was but if you take a look at it, it accomplishes what your spouse's affair accomplished - moving you to action and in this case moving them to action.
