Over the Shock and GALing 6

[d1adsl5a]

Probably just easier to recap what has happened:
-Married 15 years, together about 20.
InMay she comes home and says she is not sure she wants to be married anymore. The reasons:

I am controlling with money
--she finally agreed to pay bills and now understands we can't spend $5k monthly on visa, plus private school, mortgage...
She is not in love with me anymore
--These feelings supposedly started 10 years ago
she was alone when I went to grad school in 1998. I was driven to success too much
--grad school was part time, I finished in 1998. I used to get home from work at 6:30.
Didn't help much when kids were under a year old
--you got me on this one. she is right. I am much better when they can walk and talk.
I married you because my father approved
--Her dad is off the boat italian, very traditional
she says I stopped wanting to go out alot
--I had horrible insomnia the year before the bomb dropped. Not much support from her other than tough love. Hard to go out when you hadn't slept in two days. The insomnia stopped once the bomb was dropped. Looks like my body was telling me something
She has done all the MLC things: Goes out most weekends till 3am, drinks alot, tattoo on the buttocks, brand new wardrobe that I paid for, works out all the time, talks alot with exboyfriends,(actually texted one that I love you, I have loved you for last 20 years). She tells me that she meant to add as a friend..
--Do I have idiot written across my forehead. If it wasn't a physical affair, it sure the hell was an emotional one. She is very good looking. And she is going out in a new cougar outfit every weekend(she stopped wearing the wedding ring in June).

She blames me for becoming this person she is today. She doesn't like who she is. Wants to go back to the person she was before we were married. The one thing we never had which we have discussed is good communication. She yelled, I placated, she runs into the room and locks door. Next day fight was over. This would happen every 6-9 months throughout our marriage. I just never wanted to probe or open up pandora's box. I will own up to that one.

She has stopped seeing my family when this started.

She had cancelled marital counseling after 3 sessions in May, cancelled retrouville in October. I have made all the changes she requested. She says that you have done everything she could every want, but--I get the too little too late..She says she can't get divorced yet until she saves up enough money. She finally got a job(she was a stay at home mom). Her friends(except the single/divorced ones) thinks she is crazy. Maybe so. She is on a strong antidepressant. she blames me for her taking them because she was trying to mask her feelings five years ago. It wasn't because she has such a bad temper that everyone including her family are afraid to confront her on anything.

All that said, she is a good mom. She seems to think divorce will be amicable with us buying houses right next to each other. I have to remind her that I am not her friend, will never be and as our Marriage Counselor agreed, you are in la la land if you think I could be happy living next to you.

So now I am supposed to sit and wait for her to save up money to divorce me--

I have been doing all the DBing things. I have been happy, mysterious, you name it... I work out every day for my therapy in addition to seeing a therapist. However, some weeks I am done acting and just ignore her. This is one of those weeks.I just want it to be done. Just want to be whole and happy again. I have become more of the nurturing parent to our sons. So custody is the big discussion. I want the kids half the month. She thinks that is too much...We'll see how that one ends.