She said she had a good life, the complete opposite of the life I had mind you....
Abuse,verbal,physical,sexual,divorce,foster care,bad grades,if it could've happened to a kid, it happened to me, the worst of the worst man and that was easier to deal with than this current sitch.
But through all that I stayed good and I stayed loyal and I loved vs hurting anyone.
I'm proud of how I had turned out and prouder of what I'm learning 'bout myself from you.
From her point of view...I know something happened in her childhood, I know she sought out love and I know she was never alone,she was afraid to disappoint anyone,she felt she couldn't tell her parents or I no. Her resentments are things that other people deal with everyday and that's one thing both cnslr's said that met her this summer when we went together.
"If this makes you feel better. It didn't matter who she was married to or what kind of life she had, this was going to happen and pray she catches her balance."
Knowing they don't really want to be this way, then no I'm not changing my thinking, I'm not going to get angry with her.
I want to stay righteous and GAL, and sure I could use a cuddle, but I'd rather have it with her.
It's funny the kids know I pray for her and they're like Dad you need to pray for yourself.
Wife hasn't done anything so far that can't be undone...
And I pray she gets with someone and works out her issues before she does do something that can't be undone.
This happened so quickly for her, there was no stopping the avalanche, she knew she had a problem and then like a flick of a switch, i'll never forget it, it was on a sunday.
"I thought it was me that was broken, you tricked me, now I know it was you all this time that did this to me."
That's why I love her, I know everyday I love her more than less and it's a need to love her because, even though she's hurt me, the kids and having the time of her life.
The hurt she has caused, came from somewhere...
I said it in an earlier post, I equate it alzheimers, which does run in her family.
I have to need and love her, because she may say otherwise, I don't think she loves herself or anyone else.
Remember that what we think was a good life brings on pressures of its own that eventually surface. For you wife it very well might mean 30+ years of trying to please every one else except herself...and then she finally snapped. It wouldn't matter who her spouse was. It would have happened! She finally said "I want some for me"....just in that taking a little bit of "me" over all those years it has come gushing out in one onslaught of "medom". You are just a casualty...I think often in MLC cases the LBS feels that they are the cause of the problem, but upon careful observation we realize that the problem is bigger than us. Much like affairs for an MLC....they aren't the cause, just a symptom.
Our youths were similar Ayk....realize at some point you made a choice between being loving or continuing down the path you were taught. The choice to continue the pain of your childhood was the easy path, the choice you made to be loving is harder but more fulfilling in the end.
It seems Bubbles is free tonight Jack....I will send her your way riding a pony!
My wife isn't seeing someone else, she's partying like a rock star with her girl friends.
When she isn't doing that she's laying around watching tv i've been told. probably depression?
the neighbor i've been so worried about, he is a good friend to her, but she's repeating past behavior there, but not talking about our R with him. He offered that to me last wk. Personally I avoid all past life as much as I can.
did i tell you that, i ran into him at a garage sale, he offered me a couple of dressers from his house, said one day at a time man, least you'll get a chance to cook, take the grill from your house, it's yours.
i just said no i'm ok, not taking anything from that house, see you later.
grace i found part of your thread, you should be very proud of yourself. somehow i lost it, it was the very beginning when you first came to the board. how do i get back to it? and others?
