I am So LOST

[Augtan]

Wow!! Both of you sound a lot like my situation. My H and I are now divorced, but it doesn't have to happen to you. I made huge mistakes in the beginning, I still do, but had I had the knowledge I have now I might have been able to save the M. XH drinks in excess too!!

I would do my best not to let him move out, don't beg him to stay, but don't encourage him to leave. Just leave him alone, completely. Don't talk to him unless you have to and if he wants affection and you can stand to give it and then be rejected, do it. I continued to sleep with XH while we were seperated, the book said to do that, it was easy for me to do. Sounds bad, but it was, cause I love him. It would hurt when he would reject me the next day, but I could handle it. Remember nothing he says is really about you or hurting you, he has no idea what he is doing, but you shouldn't accept it, just walk away or end the call.

Something I wish I had been able to do is completely ignore anything to do with the OW and once he came back home to me I wish I would have never mentioned her again, not forget the affair or not work on getting over it, but not mention her. I called her "the wh**e" and would freak about her all the time. Wrong thing to do!! So, forget the text message, pretend you could care less!! Near impossible to do, but do it as best you can.

My XH is sooo messed up! He is still with OW, we live 700 miles away, we are losing ouu house (which we never missed a payment on until OW), he is classic MLC. There is always going to be huge drama with OW due to her XH and kid, she is going to have severe money issues from fighting XH...these are all things my XH said was the downfall of our marriage...drama and money!! So, why the hell he wants to be with OW with the same problems (of which both of those problems with me have been fixed), is beyond me! He just doesn't get it at all. And, the more I tried to tell him the more I pushed him to her, he even admitted that!!

Good luck, do the best you can and take it one day at a time! He sounds very messed up, that is even more reason to fight. My XH went from Jeckel to Hyde in a matter of weeks, I knew he wasn't himself and he still is just plain sick. I know that now, didn't when we were in the heart of it all. I'm still holding out hope, but also moving on. This is about me now, and I will be better for it no matter what happens!

M-39
XH-42
M-17+ T-21
D16, S14, D10
D final-5/09
still standing!!