All the dating naysayers out there, this is why it works. Kalni is just one example of detachment & dating others.
rob, just a note: in my case, H had no idea I was dating, because...I wasnt!. I fell in love with a man a few thousand miles away and H knew I wasnt going out much etc. BUT, he saw I was happy, glowing, (everybody around me noticed), calm and very friendly to him EXACTLY like I would be to a friend I had no romantic feelings for.
I was very careful for him NOT to find out. Because I didnt want it to be used during a custody fight and didnt want him to feel "we were even", didnt want to make his A right.
DBing saved us from a quick divorce. VERY critical. Gave him time.
His A started fading AS SOON AS they lived sometime as a couple and reality hit him. It lasted this long because he is a weak man and couldnt fight the addiction of being high and admired etc etc STANDARD OPS as we say. TEXT BOOK.
As I was backing off, she was getting demanding:wanted to rent an aprt together, spend time with MY kids etc etc things he didnt feel comfortable with.
He was ashamed. In our case, played a big role.
I completely lost my "edge", the smart ass comments, I was naturally positive and friendly.
He came back on his OWN time, pushed a bit forward by my "happy face".
He didnt break it up with her last year and was going thru withdrawal and was missing her.
GUILT is what he is dealing with now, HURT is what I am dealing now.
I am looking for and struggling for forgiveness, for myself. I am bitter inside and wounded. K
