She truly has my sympathies for being an abuse survivor, but it's up to her to get herself some help so that she can enjoy an adult, intimate relationship without making her H for like a rapist and forcing him to treat her like a china doll. I'm not downplaying what you did if it was so inappropriate, but I see you tried to make amends and get your act together and that's all you can do. I commend you for that so stop beating yourself up. If she wants to hold that against you, that's her choice, but she needs to get herself some help to deal with her past or she will these issues over and over again- you can't do that for her.
Maybe I confused things. My WAW is actually quite well adjusted sexually and has dealt well with her past abuse. We often had great sex with lots of variety etc. She is a phenomenal lover and everyone considers her one of the sexiest people they know.
The only time(s) it reminded her was when I touched her or myself while she was sleeping. She was very clear that this one thing was not ok, and I did not listen. The final time was the worst ever. I think she sees my actions as about more than just a sexual things - it makes her feel disrepsected and uncared for - that I put my basic needs ahead of her emotional needs.
I will say it again, while there are many reasons that led to the end of our marriage, this is a very important one. As for Rob X's question of why she is ok with some sexual things now - who knows? How can I understand what she really feels? She is an alien after all.
I am no longer beating myself up over it, but at the same time need to recognize it for what it is, to ensure I never treat anyone that way again.
