OK, I'm sorry, but I'm going to be blunt here. What exactly did you do to your wife that was so bad that she was "sore for days"? Look- I've been there, and while it's uncomfortable and not fun, I've never been "sore for days". The only reason I can see her sticking around if she was so offended by what you did is if you were heaping emotional abuse on top of that, and that can lead to some powerful brainwashing. In my case, I was already conditioned to keep my mouth shut and just take it. (That is, unless he wanted it opened. Whole lot of other stuff going on too in our M) I am just now getting ready to leave my H and, believe me, sexual issues are a large part of my reasons for leaving. I put up with it for several years because it took me that long to figure out that what he was doing to me was crap. You need to forgive yourself and move on- You're getting yourself together which is a lot more than I can say for my H. You know, I owe you some thanks, because after reading your posts, I am finally starting to feel a little angry at H- I've been having a hard time finding it.
Bunny
While I am working on forgiving myself and I am almost there, I think it's good for you to put your perspective on the way I treated my wife. She suffered sexual abuse as a child and anything that makes her feel used brings that up. On more than one occasion, I treated her like meat. The incident that keeps coming up occured while she was virtually comatose from sleeping pills and alcohol. Again - it was awful!!! I am ashamed of my actions and feel true guilt for it. But...at the same time, I need to move forward.
My actions should not be dismissed as something minor. If I was more graphic, I think it would clarify some things, but it just isn't required. I am not sure why she stuck around as long as she did. She is dealing with many issues right now (lots of physical illness issues, dying grandmother, crazy work stress) and is literally not herself.
The reality is that at this point our marriage is over. I am basically at the point of doing damage control and trying to have the best final outcome for me, our kids and my WAW. That's it at this point.
Some day there could be a reconciliation - but not until tons of issues would be dealt with. Right now, it's a matter of living one day at a time and not being as depressed, scared and worried as I was a few weeks ago.
