do you think your relationship currently is anything other than minimal business interactions regarding the kids, some pleasantrys, and pressure and badgering attempts at relationship talks by you? can you understand why your wife cannot recommit to your marriage? why would she want to walk back into a situation that is this constant need to discuss whats wrong? (You try so hard not to have relationship talks. You hate being the one who brings up relationship talks. what relationship?)
Maybe not much more, but we're still very connected by our kids, and we still talk about our lives and go out and have fun sometimes. Pressure and badgering isn't exactly how I'd describe my behavior this year. I have asked her out a couple times, and we went out and had fun without any R talk at all. This is the first time I have ever asked for a relationship talk with her, and it's only because we left a huge unresolved topic hanging. She has pursued me for talks several times over the past few months. The fact that I gave them to her is my mistake.
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out of curosity, in the past year since your wife has moved out how many days have you gone not thinking about her or about your relationship with her? 3 months, 2 months, 1 month, a couple weeks in a row perchance? There is a reason people yell detach detach detach on this site it is so you can live without the constant reminder of what is no longer what you taught it was or want it to be, to go out and have fun, to enjoy yourself, to grow both mentally and physically through your own spirituality or interactions with other others.
I haven't detached enough. I know. I haven't gone a day. Our kids keep us so close, I have found it very hard. When our 6 year old daughter takes each of our hands, pulls them together, squeezes them between hers, and looks up at us with a sad longing expression, detaching is pretty dam* tough. During most of our transitions one or more of the kids cry and ask "Why can't we all live together?" I won't bring another woman into the kids lives for a long time, so that means I'm on my own with them half the time for the next couple years, and that's a lonely thought. During my single time, I have been about as active as I can be. I've met new friends, I've gone on lots of dates, I've embraced old interests, I trained for and ran a marathon, I rarely call my W, when she calls I blow her off most of the time. What else can I do? It doesn't mean I don't still love my W and long for my kids to have their parents together again.
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You will thank yourself for a new outlook on your future and will probably find your wife back pedaling and pursuing you and approaching you with relationship talks when she realizes how confident, self-respecting and great you have become (esp. when she realizes some other gal snatches you up rather quickly). Your wife cannot commit to you or her fantasy. So commit to yourself.
That is exactly what had her backpedaling and pursuing me. I allow myself to be pulled back in too easily though. I'm learning. Slower than I'd like, but I'm learning.
