I hear you talk about boundaries but I am having trouble determining what those should be besides the obvious NC with OM. Back when we seperated I truly did detach because I went LC after I found out she was still seeing the OM. I detached by having my own mini/controlled-MLC. I did things for ME with out hurting others of course. It took about four months to detach and then oddly I could go in and be devoid of feelings when I talked to her and we started becoming freindly again, joking etc. THEN I found out she was still seeing OM after she again said she was not. This put me into exposure mode to the OMW and my W began to see what a cake eater he was. I got sucked back in again because she told me she wanted to be a big part of my life, and she divulged alot of information on the affair that she knew would make me angry and I could sense this was the true ending of the affair. But here I am not sure on how to proceed. I have become inconsistent again as my feelings have been all over the map since day of exposure. My wife mentioned something about it. I think I am now, yesterday and today, getting over the anxiety. Reading posts about fousing on the self really helps. I try to fix her too much and feel I am already fixed, which I know is not true.
The questions I have are this
1) what other sorts of boundaries should be set besides NC with OM. She may begin dating again on match.com (she said she stopped and I verified) and I guess I certainly don't want her to look towards me for emotional support in between her dates should she go back to them. But what other boundaries. I'm curious t hear what others have just to get a sense. 2)I am completely confused on how to approach the situation. MLC affair fog both? Yes I know focus on myself and I think I am finally doing that thanks to you all and the detachment is coming back again....slowly. Today she is flying off to Italy to see her sister and took a leave of abscence from work (where the OM is) and said she needed to get some strength back away from him and away from the whole chaos she has caused in order to get strength. She has expressed great dissapointment in her self for not having more strength. She is in Hell, but accepts responsibility for her actions, but she is also still a bit in fantasy world. Ugh...Very confused about how to proceed. She is very cordial to me and says she still cares and loves me, just not in that way and she is trying to figure it all out. I have access to her e-mail and phone records (without her knowledge) so I am 95% sure there is NC.
