So... I'm still waiting for my W to respond to my declaration that I won't live in an open M. From the context in which I stated it, I think she realizes if she chooses to cling to OM, then our M is over, I'm moving on, and our R will be degraded to minimal business interactions regarding the kids.
times up. in all honestly how much longer can you wait? in basketball you get 24 seconds to take a shot; in football 40 seconds to make a play; your wife gets what? over a year to make up her mind? YOUR future will always be unknown unless you take control over YOUR present. It is your decisiveness, your strength and your self-respect that not only controls the outcome of your relationship but also for your future as a whole. There are penalties for delay of game in real life also.
do you think your relationship currently is anything other than minimal business interactions regarding the kids, some pleasantrys, and pressure and badgering attempts at relationship talks by you? can you understand why your wife cannot recommit to your marriage? why would she want to walk back into a situation that is this constant need to discuss whats wrong? (You try so hard not to have relationship talks. You hate being the one who brings up relationship talks. what relationship?) Its been bad for years. its old. its no fun.
Maybe I am off my rocker, but isnt the reason for sharing time, energy, and emotions with someone to have fun, to enjoy yourself, to grow mentally and physically through interactions with them?
out of curosity, in the past year since your wife has moved out how many days have you gone not thinking about her or about your relationship with her? 3 months, 2 months, 1 month, a couple weeks in a row perchance? There is a reason people yell detach detach detach on this site it is so you can live without the constant reminder of what is no longer what you taught it was or want it to be, to go out and have fun, to enjoy yourself, to grow both mentally and physically through your own spirituality or interactions with other others. if by doing so you reattract your spouse, good for you, you counter-intuitively saved your marriage. if not, well, hopefully you come to realize that there is nothing wrong with yourself to make you good enough for yourself.
Both you and your wife need a wake up call. your wife needs a reality slap in the face to realize that pussy footing around with other peoples emotions is bullcrap. and you need to wake up and realize there are more successful ways to save your marriage than waiting around for her to make decisions regarding your life and determining how successful your attempts at detaching are by how well she draws you back in.
If you desperately want to save your marriage, I would let it go, move on, upward and onward. treat it with the attitude, 'it was fun but it has got to end.' Then pursue a life that is fun, exhilarating, inspiring, and fulfills your need to be with someone through 'social interactions.' Your ex-wife can be your babysitter while you GROW physically and mentally apart from her.
You will thank yourself for a new outlook on your future and will probably find your wife back pedaling and pursuing you and approaching you with relationship talks when she realizes how confident, self-respecting and great you have become (esp. when she realizes some other gal snatches you up rather quickly). Your wife cannot commit to you or her fantasy. So commit to yourself.
