The problem is that she is still there. She isn't saying its over anymore. She's saying if there is a chance that we can make it work, she has to leave and find what she is looking for. I don't really want to wait around and be the fall back just in case she can't find a life that she likes better.
And you should not wait around for her. The point is to get on with YOUR life. And that will probably not make her happy. And if it doesn't, then good. It MAY make her re-evaluate her decision, and then YOU get to decide if you want her back and under what terms. This is critical - SHE has to fight for YOU if she has a change of heart. DO NOT save her from the reality of her decision. She needs to experience that.
Oh, and I don't believe the bit about the only way we have a chance is if I leave. That's just a backhanded way to get you to give her permission to D you. Don't fall into that trap.
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My focus on her mindset is mostly just observation, but it does add to my confusion. Such mixed messages. I don't validate or give approval for her actions. She keeps looing for it though. I validate plenty. Just not her leaving.
You are in charge of what you ALLOW to confuse you. Detach, and this isn't an issue any more. AND, you will see how much clearer you will be able to think.
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It seems that we are to be deemed "done" she's waiting for me to make the call. I haven't yet, but I have set some boundaries. I toke her that once she is gone I will only be a part of her life where S is concerned. She really wasn't happy about that. She seems to think that we would still hang out or something.
It's not YOUR call b/c it's not YOUR decision. Don't let her make you a part of her bad decision. That's exactly what she's looking for. DON'T give this to her.
Now, that does not mean there isn't a day coming (maybe it's here) where you file for D. That's your call. But, either she is working on putting the M back together, or heading that way, or you guys should set about taking it apart.
And the "we will still be bestest buddies" thing. Script. I have been told the same thing. And, it a'int happenin. Burst the bubbles of her fantasy. And let her embrace the reality (sort of the flip side of Coach's "embrace the suck").
You are handling this the right way. But, you need to grieve the loss, and get on with detachment and accepting your new existence. And, here's the best part, it isn't all bad AND YOU will be a very emotionally healthy person. And that opens a lot of doors you have yet to discover even exist.
You ARE strong enough to do this. Just make the decision to do it.
