A little background: H told me on 10/4 that he wanted to separate but work on our issues in counseling. He said he was looking for a place to move. I fought him on that for a while, but then realized the situation he had created was untenable. He basically just used our house as a hotel - he would come home late at night and sleep downstairs, then would shower and change clothes in the morning before leaving again. Sometimes he would "hang out" with me during the day on the weekends, but I wouldn't say he was present. He would have the TV on and his headphones on. Finally he moved out on Monday (11/16). We had discussed finances and "rules of engagement" on Sunday. We established that our house was to be "my" house and that if he wanted to come by, he would need to call first to see if it was OK. He wanted to know if he could crash on the couch some nights if he was on this side of town, and I said absolutely not. That made him pretty mad - he said he didn't know if he wanted to be with me if I couldn't "support" him.
Well, guess who showed up this morning. No phone call. I kind of expected it would happen since his condo is so inconvenient to where he works and where his friends live, but I wasn't expecting it this soon. I came downstairs and he was all smiles and tried to hug me. I pushed him away. I feel like he's just manipulating me and using me to suit his interests. I told him that he was not to keep using our house as a hotel room - a convenient place to shower (he had slept on his buddy's couch last night). That got him angry - he said if he is paying half the rent, he's gonna keep his key and be at the house as much as he wants, and that if I didn't like it I could just divorce him. Somehow that didn't send me reeling. Maybe I've been successful in distancing myself. I waited a beat, then asked him very calmly if he wanted me to divorce him. He stared at me and said no. So basically he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
After some stilted conversation about neutral subjects, I went about my business of getting ready for work. I came downstairs before I left and he was asleep on the couch. I just left. On the drive in to my office, I thought about my options. The only thing I can think of is to take his key off his keyring when he's otherwise occupied or go to an attorney and get a separation agreement in place (something he's suggested before but never followed through on). I think both would do more damage though - he would be irate. But I can't keep living this way either, constantly on alert for him to just show up. We're either separated or we're not. He can't keep having it both ways.
Can anyone offer any advice? We see our MC on Monday, and I plan to bring it up then, but that seems so far away.
Me: 30 Him: 31 M: 4 yrs; T: 10 yrs No children Bomb: 10/4/09 S: 11/16/09 D proceedings begin: January 2010
