Living, Loving, & Learning one day at a time

[Treese]

Hello Everyone....I had to come here and vent again....

First so everyone knows...I did NOT call or text H about this..I'm at the point as to why...he doesn't really care anyway..and it would only get my blood boiling more, so I choose to suck it up and cry it out...

I was talking to D23 last night on the phone, just small talk about the wedding and all...I did ask if her dad sent her a birthday card and she said yes but he did not send her a gift...can get his GF a gift and go out of town but can't send his own D a gift..anyway...she didnt care...she then told me about the prescription order that she has to order through the mail....well when she ordered it a few months ago they had told her there was a balance of $100 on the acct. so I called...come to find out it belonged to H's love childs mother...the child has to take meds daily, so she orders it using H's ss number and doesn't pay for it...Apparently they are supposed to split it 50/50...just she is doing O.....so when D23 received her meds they did indeed charge D23's credit card for the $100.....she immediately called and they did credit her....she said the paperwork that came with it had the mother's info on it....I was ticked....that is like a slap in the face to D23..a reminder of a 10 yr old child she doesnt know...and what her father did...she said she was going to call her....and wow, I would not want to be on the other end of that conversation....D23 was hot!!!

I could have texted H right away and chewed him out but I didn't.....I cried instead....not because I care about what H thinks but because my children are paying the price...

I'm not sleeping worrying about money....H's pay just seems to be decreasing....

I know everyone here says they feel bad about the pain their H's are in but I have to say....I don't see any pain in my H AT ALL!!! He has not changed a bit in the past 2 years...he's still in lalaland with OW...in his nice big house with no bills, no responsibilities....with everything he says he's ever wanted....that I'm the person he always thought I was....he meant that in a mean way...when I saw his face when he said that I was stunned....I had nothing to say...I don't bother him, don't call him..he doesnt' call to ask about the kids, how they're doing in school...etc...I just take care of it....why? Because I'm their mom, I"m the sane one....

I really try not to give him space in my head...but when things like this happen and it involves my children...well, he knows not to mess with my kids.... .

PHEW....I feel better now.....going out with friends tonight...thanks for letting me vent....

Treese

[yellowrose]

Treese

You sound liek you are pulling it together, girl!!!

My H was the same way, being hurtful and getting stuff for the OW and not his own kids. They don't care!

I am the same way, you mess with my kids, I will get you!!

You are doing just like I did, I started taking care of everytrhing myself and just left my H out of the loop. It was better for me. Another thing, you are the sane one!! LOL

Y

[Treese]

UPDATE....

Got a text from H yesterday afternoon....this is what it said....
"Hi,Did buddy mention I was gonna hang out with him for a bit tonite? Was gonna get him 3ish, that cool?"

First I was shocked...after 6 weeks he now wants to see him.

So, I responded because it was already 2...This is what I said, "No, he didn't mention it and I would appreciate if you would tell me also in case he forgets. I have to go out for a bit, but that is fine."

I also did ask if he could help with pickups after basketball practices sometimes...he asked when they were...I had just told him when....but you know their minds...they are very forgetful...truly blows my mind...

He did show up...and on time...shock...i went to dinner with friends and he texted me when he was dropping son off at 8...

Son immediately called me when he got in the house because I wasn't there...I think it scares him sometimes when I'm not home when he gets back but I told him what I was doing..

When I got home I asked him if he had fun and he said Yeah, we went to a 2 1/2 hour movie....I said "was it good"..and he said yeah....so I dropped it...I don't ask questions because I don't want to put son in the middle of anything...It amazes me that he hasn't seen his son for 6 weeks and he takes him to a movie so he doesnt have to socialize with him...I would be asking him how he was and what's new...plus our son has truly grown over the past few weeks...I am thankful however that he did take him for a little while...

so, yesterday he was a dad...today he's probably back to being in MLC and into himself and OW...I suppose it will be 6 more weeks until he sees him..

So, anyone out there who has a spouse that returned after MLC and you asked how they felt during the holidays without their family...for instance...how did they feel during Thanksgiving at a table of a new OW and her family? Just curious...do they think of old times or not?

[Andabelle]

Don't ask/think about how they handle the holidays away from their families. Does it make a difference anyway? Don't do that to yourself.

[yellowrose]

Treese

When my H came home he did tell me that he hated Thanksgiving and Christmas with the OW. He was used to our traditions and our ways of doing things and couldn't shake them. That was just my H.

Y

[Virtually_Handsome]

Treese, I'll tell you what I think....

I think that he will lie to himself so much about how he "feels" that there is no way to separate the truth from his fiction. You H, especially, in my opinion, has been living in a fantasyland for years, I truly think his real emotions are so totally buried that they would scare the he!! out of him if he had to face them.

Anyway, my biggest point is, it really, really, really, doesn't matter! Don't let your perceptions of his feelings affect how you and your kids live! None of you deserve that!

HUGS!

[Treese]

VH....

Actually I totally agree with you...he would probably go into deep depression if he ever had to face his demons....that would probably scare me.

As you know VH since you were the first person I called in all this mess, I am doing much better than I thought I ever would thanks to all of you...I'm seeing what I never saw...thanks.

[ddstartingover]

Treese - Thinking of you today. I hope you are doing well. I've decided that holidays now just have to be based on the family I have. I will not dwell on what it should be----just thankful I have my 3 beautiful children. I plan to focus on new memories, and new traditions for a family of 4 (instead of 5).

[Treese]

HEY DI.....

OMG...it's so good to hear from you...I to made some new traditions this year on Thanksgiving..

H texted me on Thanksgiving...just a Happy Thanksgiving but I guess he thought of me that day..I did not respond..he also texted all the kids to tell them the same...then that was it..not a word since..guess he and OW spent the weekend with her family as H did not got to his sister's with his mom and dad..I didnt cry that whole day..I was way too busy with cooking for 23 people..

So, on Saturday my brothers, sister, nieces, nephews...we all had a huge family portrait taken for my parents for christmas...all were paired in families...I felt a little bad at first but then just gathered my children and took a family portrait..it had been 27 years since the last one so you can imagine how big the family got..we did have a good time though..

I had yesterday off work and I was at home alone...too much time to think...finances started making me nervous, I started to cry, then I just broke down..I havent' cried that hard in ages..guess I needed it..I did feel better after but still a little sad..it was one of those days I missed H..then back to reality..

Thanks for stopping by....

[ddstartingover]

Treese - so good to hear from you. I made T-giving dinner at my house. It was a small gathering----my mom, sister, neice and kids. I did invite H, though (via e-mail). I guess I still felt like I should. I invited him to dinner and let him know of some scheduling things coming up, including the fact that the kids wanted to go to the tree farm and pick out a tree the day after Thanksgiving. He responded a day later via text----said he was going to volunteer for leukemia foundation and deliver meals on Thursday. The kids had already told me that he told them this was his plan. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. I don't know----I know before I wouldn't have questioned what he really was doing. I told him he could come when he finished. He thanked me. He then asked if late in the day would be ok to pick out tree on Friday. I said yes------but then when Friday came, the kids wanted to go early, so we did. Gave him a chance to meet us there, but he declined. The skeptic that I am wondered if he spent Thursday with OW and then didn't want to come back to town until late Friday..................but I really don't care at this point. I didn't expect him to participate in either, but extended the invitation, because that's who I am.

He contacted D16 later in the day and told her when he wanted her to come to his place with the other two kids----and they left. I spent the rest of the weekend without my kids and it SUCKS! I will have them Christmas Eve (being a Thursday), but it is his weekend, so he'll take them some time on Christmas Day----and it will KILL me.

It was a balmy 65 degrees (very unseasonal here) Saturday so I put the lights on the house and got the decorations up from the basement. I hung stockings and tried to pretend like it was no big deal. I sobbed most of the afternoon when the reality hit----and all the memories of Christmases past flooded in.

I'm back on the boards to help get thru the Holidays.......