She seemed to be looking for me to give her approval. She even wanted a hug.
If you can handle the hug, no problem. I would not give her the approval she is looking for to bless her decision to D. This is part of bursting the bubbles of her fanatasy of what life will be like post-D. You don't do it in a a$$hole way, just don't agree with her. You know the drill.
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She was sick yesterday. I stayed home, took S to school, picked him up, got dinner and her prescriptions as she was laid up. Not to kiss up, but because that is just the kind of guy I am.
This is compassion, and this is good. You aren't kissing her a$$. You are simply showing kindness to another human being.
And you were doing fine until...
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Its hard to believe that she is willing to give up everything. She clearly loves our family and our home. I am really starting to shut off toward her anymore though.
Where's your focus? Can you control what she's thinking/willing to do? So, why worry about it? I know, easier said than done. But, we've all been there. You have to grieve the loss of your M - no question. But, as you grieve, stay aware that you need to "keep walking" through the grief and towards accepting that the M is over - really, truly, God honest O...V...E...R.
Then, once you have reached that place where you accept you are already D'd and that you will be ok when the technical D is finished, you can begin acting like you should - as Coach says, acting like a soldier should. I promise you it is much better in that place. You aren't worried about what will happen, what she's thinking/doing. A lot less stress and your actions towards her will show, I mean really show, detachment. What happens as a result of that, who knows. But, YOU will be better off, that much IS certain.
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I'm having a hard morning however. Resentment and sadness all mixed together.
Understandable. Grieve the loss. Then get back to work. Working on you. Working on being a better father and H (for someone - might be W, might not).
