I know what you are saying, but that would involve me stepping back on the emotional rollercoaster again and that is something I really don't want to do.
He and I did have that convo back in March when I asked him why he left again and his answer then was still I don't know.
I did reply to his email in the end. I said that I appreciated that he had replied, that it wasn't what I preferred but that when he makes arrangements and then does not follow them up or continually postponed them it makes me feel very frustrated and then a sentence of general chat. My feeling now is that past is past. If he *really* wants to see me then he will put some sort of effort in and if he leaves it then it is his loss. He's had chances, far more than he deserves.
I have done the self examination and I have identified my contribution to the situation. But when I look at the bigger picture I was a good wife. I cared for him when he was sick, I supported his career, I looked after the house and we had so much fun together *all* the time. I have lamented on this forum over and over again about everything that I have done wrong and beat myself up good and proper but at the end of the day I am not a bad person, or a bad wife/ partner. This was about him and his choices and I cannot own those or be married in paper only. Plus, he betrayed me in the very worst possible way and continues to do so and whilst he is sorry, he shows no action.
I just cannot spend anymore of my energy on it. This isn't about him, this is about me. I don't need the drama and I am much happier without it. Plus, I really think that I do not need to spell it out to him, he is very aware of what he has done and I can't make him face it. That will come in his own time.
Oooh, it felt good to say that out loud. Thanks Al!
