Partner left after 9 yrs - 18months on, reunited !

[AliSuddenly]

Hahaha, definetly TMI hey. For anyone reading, you shouldnt underestimate your WAS guilt. He told me last night he is paralysed by guilt, he has it by the bucket load, that whenever he starts to think about how he behaved and treated me, well... urghh.. and he started to shudder and said something about not being able to deal with it or handle just how much he hurt me and some of the insane things he did (like stopping all contact with me, sleeping with her etc). I said I had terrible guilt after my EA.

We had finally had a conversation about sex and Helen.. I said something about things I had heard about her and imagining her to be "wild in bed".. he said, "Are you asking me if she was? No. Thats why I was surprised when you told me those things about her" (like she had been promiscious apparently). I also mentioned being worried about comparisons and he said, You are by far better...in ALL ways.

So finally got that one straightened out! But I kept it brief, as above.

This was a small part of the convo, after he said about guilt, we had a long conversation about his relationship with his Dad and all the tremendous guilt her carries around for not being "there for his dad" since his Mum left him when he was 16. About not doing enough for him when he was ill (he did alot though) etc. I said we need to get him some help. He was tearful and said again he would be in a terrible state if it wsant for me and the for being happy to be with me. I dont know where all this guilt is coming from. Its natural for a 16 year old to ignore their parents divorce and go out with friends all the time instead. He is now consumed with guilt about not doing more, since his Dad has died.

But this is what its all about, why he left me in the first place. Its to do with his Mum and Dad and feeling not good enough and like he hates himself. He said when he left me, after the bomb, he didnt know what he was thinking, walking out like that, abanoning me in Cornwall, but at the time he just basically hated himself.

I told him he's stuck in the guilt stage and to phone Cruse (free bereavement service). To be honest, I dont know what to do. As my Counsellor once said, you're not his therapist, you're only his girlfriend.