New, my story

[Inaspin]

Ok so just got back form first IC session. It is a Christian based C which is good for me.

I prayed hard for God to show me away forward. I am reading a book called "Life's Healing choices" by John Baker. It is based on the celebrate recovery program.

I read in the book about support groups but I could not find any in South Africa. I told the C about the book and she was happy to say that there is a support group for it in the church.

I feel that God herd me for the first time, as I was sure I would have to do the exercises in the book alone. This is a big step for me and a good starting point to finally sorting myself out.

The C did suggest that I would need to write a letter to W. She said that I should only say to her that I understand what I had done in our R, and admit to the things I had done to cause pain.
I do not know if this is a good idea at this stage, any input?

I feel that I have unconsciously emotionally abused my wife, I want apologies for this, not to get her back, but let her know that it was not her fault and that I accept responsibility for it. The guilt I feel for this is immense.

The pain is still there, but at least my head is not all over the place. That is a good sign. Like my C said, one foot infront of the other.